THEREFORE, I PRACTICALLY KNOW ROBERT PATTINSON

This "six degrees of separation" is a really interesting concept. Basically, someone came up with the idea everyone on Earth is at most six people (steps) away from any other person on the planet. I never really tested this theory, because, really, there is no way to do that, unless of course, by some freak coincidence you learn that degrees that separate you from the Precious are insanely low. Which is exactly what happened to me, as my Twi ho's are more than aware, because they helped plot the outrageous plan that came to be known as "Operation KLone".

Anyhoo, this freak story went something like this:

Ever since I came out of the Twi-closet, all my ramblings have been littered with Twilight related shit, which is how everyone came to be aware that I'm insane Twobsessed. So, naturally, even my fellow losties over at my other home (aka forum dedicated to the TV show LOST) got sick of seeing me go on about the stuff that they lovingly referred to as bullshit. That is, until my bestest buddy Chad, with whom I share ass grabs every Wednesday, whispered a little something in my ear after I posted a pic of Kellan in the "Who's hot" thread.
Sadly, I didn't think to save the actual PM (Private Message) he sent to me, but I'm going to paraphrase. Basically, he said that his best friend, and the best man from his wedding, is KLutz's personal assistant, and not only that, but they're roommates too.
If ever I was close to fainting, it was when I read that.
I was so ecstatic that I almost peed my pants. I felt like I had won the fucking Lottery.

Naturally, I immediately run over and share this info with ho's over at Edbrella (this was during the time that my blog was dormant). Immediately we start scheming, and someone, I think it was Mary, suggested that we ask Dick (aka KLutz's assistant, aka Richard) to snatch Kellan's pubic hair so that later we could clone him. Not only was this very fucking clever, but it was really modest too. I mean, what's a little hair? KLutz sure as hell ain't gonna miss it now, is he?

Anyhoo, while it is entertaining to think about it, the possibilities of what one could do with a KLone fail in comparison to the fact that there are FOUR degrees of separation between Robert Pattinson and myself. And, I'm not talking about acquaintance here, it is really closely knit relationships that link us (well okay, I don't know how close exactly are Rob and KLutz, but that's beside the point).I won't lie, I fainted when I realized that. Okay, you caught me, I'm lying, but still, all my senses numbed at the realization which is pretty much equivalent to loosing consciousness.

So there you have it. It goes like this>

JELENA

KNOWS

      v

      v

      v

CHAD (and his baby girl who I will use as proof that Chad knows Dick)

KNOWS

      v

      v

      v

DICK (well, hello, you ain't too bad either Dickie boy, don't you agree ho's?)

KNOWS

      v

      v  proof of the link between the two is here*

      v

KELLAN

KNOWS (well, duh)

      v

      v

      v

ROB

Now, if only I could figure out a way to take full advantage of this fortunate situation.

As an added bonus I give you proof that I indeed know Chad (although we've never met person y'all must agree that these internet friendships can be just as close-knit as physical ones). This is my Lost family, and Chad and I are the ones doing some form of Spanish dance in the background on the right.

I'll finish off this post with a quote from Chad's latest PM to me.
"I told Dick he has a twi-ho (am I saying that right?) half way around the world that would shag him for a shot at Kellan and he was very smitten about it."



*check out the video titled Kellan and Kola, when Dick walked Kellan's dog on the Bonnie Hunt show. Granted we don't really get to see a lot of Dick, but I'm going to trust Chad, because there's no way in hell my buddy would make this up.