Confessions of a Twiholic

Lourdes has the hots for Rob

2011-02-23T14:32:00.000+01:00

Apparently Lourdes, Madonna's daughter is a fan of Twilight, her father, Carlos Leon says.

Here's the direct quote.

"She loves to watch "Harry Potter." It's a favorite of hers. We can watch that 100 times -- well, she can," Leon says. " 'Twilight' is also pretty big at our house. She likes Robert Pattinson. She's Team Edward all the way." source

I love how Carlos adds "well, she can". And kudos to him for knowing about Team Edward et al.

If Lourdes is anything like her mother, in a few years time she will have gotten her claws on Rob. Honestly, I wouldn't mind seeing that. I'm not a Robsten hater. On the contrary. But let's face it, it's highly unrealistic that the two will remain together forever. I don't care how European Rob is, their work is bound to separate them once they're done with the Twilight saga.

In other news, People reports that Rob and Kristen have arrived to Vancouver. Get this, though. They flew together on a private jet, but went to their hotel in separate cars. What's the deal? Really. Moreover, People states that "Stewart, 20, ran to her SUV with her head covered, while Pattinson, 24, walked out calm and collected." For some reason the mental image of this is making me laugh, shrug.

So this is what cool and collected looks like - wearing a fugly MTV jacket.

For This, I had To Update the Blog

2011-01-13T10:32:00.001+01:00

The moment we've all been waiting for is here:

The first still of Edward and Bella making love

This is NOT A MANIP!!

That's right. Whitley Twilog made my panties burst this morning when she posted this pic on her blog.

I'll let you drool.

I'm it, and major, MAJOR discovery!!

2010-10-14T12:52:00.000+02:00

Mrs.P. from TwiBite tagged me to answer the following questions. Whilst answering to one of them I came to a major discovery. Please try to refrain from scrollitis in your hurry to read about my great find.

1. In the car, is it the radio or a CD?

We still haven't installed a CD player in our car, so we've no option but listening to radio. It can be actually quite fun when they start playing some old tunes and both my husband and I start to sing along.

2. In the rain, is it an umbrella or a hood?

An umbrella. For some reason, I HATE being wet anywhere else but in my panties. Before, my husband would sometimes splash me with water while we're in the bathroom, just for fun, but I'd go so fucking mental on him, that he stopped.

3. What is your favourite season of the year?

I love all seasons, but Spring and Autumn are my favourite, and I simply cannot pick between the two. I love the feeling of awakening and new beginning that Spring brings, as much as I enjoy the colourful leaves, rains and the smell of impending hibernation that comes with Autumn.

4. In bed... tell me about you pajamas.

There's nothing to tell. In winter I wear long sleeved pajamas, in spring I wear short sleeved pajamas, and in summer I wear very light, sleeveless nightgowns. The one thing that all these have in common is that they have to be made of cotton. I cannot sleep in any artificial materials.

I wouldn't mind wearing just him in bed

5. Do you get dressed in the bathroom or do you come out in a towel?

Actually, most of the time, I come out of the bathroom completely naked, with the towel wrapped around my hair. Didn't I ever mention that both my husband and I are nudists? Now you know.

I wish I had a pool in which I could practice my naturalism

6. How many times a day do you ignore the phone when it rings?

When I don't recognize the number, when it's my MIL, if I'm watching a movie and I don't want to irrupt it. Basically no one really important calls me on my home phone. Everyone who wants to talk to me calls me on my cell, and I ignore those calls very rarely.

I hope none of those phone calls I avoided were from him

7. Tell me your best birthday present ever.

Who would've thought that this would be the most difficult question to answer. May I talk about the present I ever got? Oh, what am I doing, of course I can. The best present I ever got was from my husband for New Year's two years ago. He gave me a medieval bronze bracelet that he bought at an online auction. The bracelet was dug up recently in these parts, and it dates back to 17th or 18th century. I am actually wearing it as I type this. It's one of my most prized possessions (along with my netbook).

OMG! I just googled medieval bracelet and got this photo. This looks almost identical to the bracelet I have, and what I didn't know up until now is that this is a freaking fertility bracelet. A bracelet like this was a gift a mother gave to her daughter as a wedding present, and she was to wear it until the birth of her first child. We used to joke that these two round shapes look like breasts, without knowing that's exactly what they represent. I am at a loss for words at the moment.

8. Neighbors... do you talk to them or are they strangers to you?

I live in an apartment building, and while I do know most of my neighbours, I don't socialize with them. I doubt I ever will. There are, though, a couple of people on my floor with whom my husband sometimes hangs.

When I googled Robert Pattinson's neighbours, this is the picture I got.

Wait! Is that Katie Perry's boyfriend? The one Rob hangs with? I love that dude. WTH is he doing with that skank?

I also got this photo. It made LoL, so I thought I'd share it with you.

Okay, this was totally fun.

Here are my questions:

1. What is the favourite spot (aside from Forks) that you've ever visited?

2. Would you rather live by the sea or in the mountains?

3. What was your worst ever nightmare?

4. What did you dream of becoming when you were growing up?

5. What's your favourite fruit?

6. Do you prefer tea or coffee?

7. Which booze do you always have at your house?

8. Did you ever ride on a horse?

I have no idea who has already been tagged, so I'm tagging

Twilight Junkies Anonymous

Tongue Twied

Twilight, Travel and Treats

Twired

Robzsinger

There! I can't even muster 8 tags. Hope you have fun.

Some thoughts on True Blood

2010-10-08T10:03:00.001+02:00

Warning: This post contains spoilers from Season 3. They are marked in red, but I will also give you a warning. Everything else you can read.

So, while everyone (or at least the majority) was out taking jumping photos on Rialto, and/or singing drunk karaoke in Forks, I was falling down a new rabbit hole called True Blood.

Oh.My.Fucking.Gawd!

I powered watched all three seasons, and now I'm impatiently tapping my foot, like a true addict, waiting for the Sookie Stackhouse books to arrive at my doorstep. Now you know why, in a week or so, I might go off the radar.

In the meantime, I want to hear from you who have been TB fans for a while.

Okay, here comes the SPOILER. DO NOT READ THIS PART IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN SEASON 3 YET

I want to know what you think of Bill. Whether you hope he and Sookie will make up?

Here's my take, if anyone is interested:

I honestly sympathize with Bill. He has had a very difficult existence. Lorena not only made his life miserable, but she corrupted his mind and soul. I believe that he is truly lost, and in Sookie, he found his salvation. He kept things from her because he was so afraid of losing her.

Still, that doesn't erase the fact that he manipulated Sookie into falling in love with him. I did wonder, in that second episode, why Bill took so long to help her while she was being beaten to death. Now we know.

I don't hate Bill, and I can't say that I don't like him either, but I do think he will never be right for Sookie unless he mans up. Which brings me to Eric.

SPOILER OVER! You can continue to read now.

More of this, please

Jesus. Was there ever a more alluring character than Eric? If anything, True Blood shows just how unimportant looks are when it comes to falling in love. I honestly couldn't care less about Eric in Season 1, and not just because of his long hair. Now, I'm freaking seeing Alexander Skarsgard's face non stop. I kid you not. I do hope that Eric and Sookie at least fuck, because my hunger won't be satisfied even if I do continue to constantly re-watch Sookie's dream after Godric's death.

Now, Sookie. I think she's one of the most assertive characters I've ever come across. She's always so sure of herself, isn't afraid to speak her mind, no matter the consequences, and yet, she's compassionate when she needs to be, and doesn't have a mean bone in her body. At least that's how she's portrayed in the show. I'll have to wait and see what Sookie is really thinking once I get my paws on the books.

In any case, I found myself wishing, on more than one occasion, that I was more like her.

How does Sookie manage to be such authority, that no one, but Pam, finds her annoying? I know a few people in my life who never listen to others, and who will always do what they've set out to do, not caring about the consequences, or how that will be perceived; and let me tell you - it's fucking frustrating. Those are the people who make me want to jump out of my skin, people I can never rely on. So how does Sookie do it? Or is everyone else just too caught up in their own story to even notice? Except for poor ole Bill of course. But he's pussy whipped so it doesn't count.

Any thoughts of your own? On anything, True Blood related.

What a cute, and uplifting photo. But it does bring into mind the Queen's words "Why don't you two just fuck each other and get it over with?"

Is that something you would like to see? Bill and Eric getting it on?

I wrote for WOW

2010-10-01T08:21:00.000+02:00

I have been suffering from such a serious case of procrastination lately, I need a new word for it. How else would you characterize the fact that I am posting this two days later than I should be.

TigerlilyLace is doing a very interesting thang over at her blog, and it's called Write on Wednesdays aka WOW. Guidelines are simple, and anyone who desires can write. This week it was my turn, and my story was published, you guessed it, two days ago. Check it out, it's not long. That is, unless you're in Forks. Then you get a free pass this week.

In other news, we all saw the photo of seriously bearded Rob. Maybe it's a good thing that blogger is fucking with me and won't let me upload the photo, because, let's be frank, I don't want to see that bush on his face again. JFC Rob, what are you doing to yourself?

2010-09-17T09:58:00.000+02:00

Hello darlings.

Well, some of you may have noticed that I changed my name and avatar. It's because I started another blog where I document my frustrations regarding my attempts to become a mother. I thought it best to separate the two blogs, but then, I found myself drowning in infertility blogs. Reading them is so depressing, which is why I stopped. I missed Twitardia too much, so decided to come back.

Anyhow, a couple of days ago, entirely on his own, MM (aka my husband) downloaded bootlegged Eclipse. He had been bugging me for some time now, insisting that he wanted to see it. So finally, on Wednesday night, we parked our arses in front of our TV, and let David Slade do his magic.

MM was mostly silent during the first half of the film, with occasional comments that proved that he really was paying attention.

Like, when Riley stepped out of the bar, he said "Who the fuck is this?"

Or when Riley coached the other Vampires: "Victoria's creating an army".

Or - my favourite comment - when Edward and Bella are standing on the stairs outside the Police station whilst Riley's parents are inside talking to Charlie: "Did he gain a little weight? He looks so much better."

If only Rob WOULD gain a little weight. Me likey buff Robward.

But then, Bella had to go and ask Jacob to freaking kiss her, and that's when MM 'sploded.

"Oh, come on," he started cursing at the screen. "This is so pathetic."
"Why do you think we all hate Bella?" I pointed out.
"She's stringing both of them along." He sighed in frustration. "I keep watching these movies so that I could understand better why you like them so much, but the movies are so shitty. They're too slow, and there's too much of this faux romance shit, and not enough action."
"Look, babe, it's the books that I liked. Twilight, the movie, just intrigued me, but it's the books that turned me into a fanatic."

All in all, MM liked CGI, especially the wolves. He wished there was more sunlight - aka Edward's sparkling skin. I was surprised a bit he didn't say anything about Emmett, seeing as how my crush on Kellan is out of the closet now.

We haven't discussed whether he would see Breaking Dawn, but I'm pretty sure that he'll want to see how the story ends. I am, also, pretty effing positive that he doesn't dislike The Twilight Saga as much as he's trying to make me think I just think he is still very puzzled that I am so much into it, and he's trying to keep the balance by clinging to the other extreme.

So, tell me, did your SOs see Eclipse, and what did they think of it?

Also, I'd like to know whether my new name confuses you. I hope you get used to it soon.

I've missed you hos.

Search For The Hidden Treasure

2010-08-17T11:25:00.002+02:00

Twilight Mommy Blog is offering you a chance to do a fun treasure hunt, and win a prize. Basically, you just have to answer some questions and get them right to win. For more details and contest deadlines go here.

Yeah, that's it from me, this time. Not very wordy, sorry.

*~JELENA~*

Finally!

2010-08-13T11:53:00.001+02:00

I know I haven't posted in forever. It's not because I am over Twilight, Lutz forbid (in case you haven't figured it out, Kellan is my god). It's just that I've decided it was time I organize myself and do what I've been saying I wanted to do, and that's write.

Now that my fic is finished, I am able to focus on directing my creative energies elsewhere. This is why you won't be seeing me much on the blogs. I want all of you to know that this was a difficult decision for me, as I love each and every blog on my blogroll, but I won't be able to read you as religiously as I did. I will come by as often as I can, but I want you to know that I'll be thinking of this community during the time I'm away. It is because of all of you that I've found the strength and inspiration to pursue my dream.

Just thought some of you were curious to know why you don't see my comments as often as you did.

But this is not the sole reason why I decided to post today. In fact, I wanted to share two things with you. First, that there is an amazingly talented and kind woman among us, and her name is Z Any Mouse. For no reason whatsoever, other than to prove how generous she is, Z sent me a messenger bag that she herself has made. I learned in the meantime that Z got my address from 17 Forever Lisa - an equally warm person as Z.

This is the bag that I got:

It's absolutely perfect, and I love it. Z is super talented. She makes bags, wallets, quilts, and Lutz knows what else. :D

So, you see, I could NEVER leave a community as beautiful as this. I have found true friends among some of you.

Hm, I should've perhaps put a warning sign at the beginning of this post, as it is turning into an emotional rant, and I suspect I know the culprit. It's Clomid. I've started taking it this week, and it has affected my mood and emotions in ways I never imagined. So, forgive my current sentimentality.

Second thing I wanted to share with you is this - a photo of Rob's new tee shirt.

FRONT

Yes, Rob, we know you're a beast. Now, can you please show us the one living in your pants?

BACK

Well, Rob, really. Finally you give us some proof that you are aware how vast is the number of women dreaming of humping you.

Until next time. And there WILL be a next time, I promise.

I can't wait to see what Mrs.P. of TwiBite does with this photo of Rob.

JELENA

R-Pant aka Rob Inspired Underwear

2010-07-29T12:26:00.002+02:00

Wow. Just WoW.

Did you hear that? Marks and Spencer announced that they will be making underwear inspired by Rob. I know, I was Squeeeing too until I read that Rob won't be promoting the line. Bugger!

You're so cruel Rob, for not letting us see the updated version of this.

Oh, and can someone tell me, once and for all: is this pic a manip or a real thing? I've seen it advertised as both, and I'm totally confused.

Here's what the article said (too fucking lazy to paraphrase right now):

"As if Twilight fans needed another reason to get giddy about Robert Pattinson, Guardian reports that British retailer Marks and Spencer has announced that they are creating a men’s underwear line inspired by the sexy star. Aptly called the R-Pant, the vampire-inspired slim-fit underwear collection of low-rise briefs and trunks is meant to be worn under skinny jeans like those sported by Pattinson himself. And while the 24-year-old Twilight hottie will not be appearing in an ad campaign for the retailer (nor is he apparently endorsing the line), the Guardian reports that the actor has been spotted shopping for underwear at the store. With fellow vampire Kellan Lutz fronting Calvin Klein underwear, we’re wondering just how much the R-Pant collection will be able to sex up Marks and Spencer’s underwear department. Looks like we’ll have to wait until September, when the new range goes on sale, to see!"

Source, you guessed it, People magazine (although, in all fairness, I did spot the article first on CNN who took it from People).

So, what do you think?

Will you be buying at Marks and Spencer for your SO's this Christmas?

*~*Jelena*~*

Maybe I Need Some Kellan Rehab

2010-07-28T16:36:00.001+02:00

*Today, I had a guest. I've given the keys of my blog to the one and only Tongue Twied, who knocked me off my feet. This is, by far, my favourite post on this blog. Thank you TT.You're amazing.

GAHHHHHH!!!

I see him everywhere I go!!!

(If you don't know the song, click here)

Maybe I need some Rehab

Or maybe just need some sleep

I've got a sick obsession,

I'm seeing you in my dreams

I'm looking through every blog,

I'm writing those desperate emails

I'm staying up all night hoping,

Staring at your picture on the wall

What you've got Kel is hard to find

I think about it all the time

I'm all strung out, my heart is fried

I just can't get you off my mind.

Because...

Your Mug

is my drug.

I said...

Your Mug

Your Bum

Your Mug

is my drug.

Won't listen to any advice,

Hubby's telling me I should think twice

But left to my own devices,

I'm addicted--it's a crisis!!!

My nonbloggy friends think I've gone crazy,

my judgment's gettin' kinda hazy

My marriage is gonna be affected

if I keep it up like a lovesick Twicrackhead.

What you've got Kel is hard to find

I think about it all the time

I'm all strung out, my heart is fried

I just can't get you off my mind.

Because...

Your Mug

is my drug.

I don't care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay

I get so high when I see you

But crash and crave you when you're away.

So I've got a question:

Do you want to have a slumber party in my basement?

Do you wanna make your heart beat like an 808 drum?

Is my blog, your drug?

(Huh?) Your drug

Because...

Your Mug

is my drug.

Heyyy!!!!
Hey!
So your mug, your mug, your mug

*whispers* is my drug.

"I like your beard."

Pictures are cool but not anyone's expense.

Rob shouldn't be hassled just for a picture or his mug!

{Picture source}

"Your Love Is My Drug" by Ke$ha

No copyrite infringement intended.

My source for porn

2010-07-23T11:00:00.001+02:00

The People Magazine (they should definitely put me on the payroll, as this is the Xth time I've pimped them).

The Lutz in Las Vegas. I'd box with you Kellan.

Speaking of People, I found this photo in the "What's His Best Hair".

Would you believe me if I told you that 77% people voted that Rob looks better with cropped sides, and only 23% (myself included) checked the "Tousled" box?

What say you?

**JELENA**

Kellan campaign and Rob scrapbook

2010-07-20T22:07:00.000+02:00

When Tongue Twied published the details of her campaign for Breaking Dawn, all I saw was the naked Kellan on the badge. It wasn't until much later, that I realized what exactly the badge said. Some writer I am. So, you pay good attention to the words. Don't just get lost in the photo, imagining what it would feel like trailing that torso with your fingers. Focus.

This is the badge I chose to permanently store on the sidebar of my blog. If you want to be a part of this campaign, you can email Tongue Twied; or if it's more convenient, you can email me at twilightedjello@gmail.com, and I will send you all the badges and you can pick which ever one you want.

Now, I mustn't forget. These fantastic badges were made by fabulous Kelly from My DiscomROBulation. Speaking of Kelly, she thought of a the most amazing gift the fandom could give to Rob. She thought it would be awesome if we made a scrapbook that outlined how Rob/Twilight influenced and changed our lives, and then gave it to Rob. For details on how you can participate, go here. However, keep in mind that Kelly and I decided that we should make a scrapbook for every member of the Twilight cast, not just Rob. It would be a wonderful gift for them before Breaking Dawn came out. We still haven't worked out the details, but start spreading the word girls. Just picture the moment when they receive the scrapbook, flip through it, and realize how much positive impact they've had on the rest of the world... on you.
In the meantime, go to Kelly's blog and check out the logistics behind making this scrapbook a reality.

G'nite.

***JELENA***

It feels like Kellan is stalking me

2010-07-16T13:29:00.002+02:00

I can't take this anymore.
I really want to ~~fuck~~ snuggle with Kellan. The man definitely has me in a clinch... or so I wish. It's really not fair. He gets hotter every time I see him. Or my crush is getting bigger. One of those.

Just when I thought I had tamed my lust for Lutz by convincing myself (!) that there is really nothing sexual about a man who is so sweet in all his public appearances and interviews, I go off and dream about him. The bastard.
Oh, and just wait until you hear how in the dream, last night, his fingers played with my fingers, and I ended up thinking, in the dream, "Nothing sexual about him, my ass." Huh! *

Then, I wake up, and find an email in my inbox from Tongue Twied who shoots my ass over to her blog. Well, TT is organizing a Kellan campaign!! Of course I'm going to be a part of it. Go to her blog to read about the details.

And then, AmberPaperBell tweets me the link to these photos. Motherfucker. I want to die. Why? Because I am fucking lusting after an unatainable celebrity. It is soooo not fair.

Source

So, I can't take this anymore. It literally feels like Kellan is stalking me. The question of de jour, however, is: Do I want to be free of him?

How do you cope with your celebrity crushes? Come on girls, I know some of you have it as seriously as I do.

~*~JELENA~*~

* You will be able to read about the entire dream soon on TwiBite.

Vampires Suck - or so I'm told

2010-07-08T20:01:00.001+02:00

You might have all already seen this, but it's totally new to me - the trailer for Twilight parody titled "Vampires Suck". A friend of mine, who's a Twilight hater btw, posted the link on my Facebook page. Little did he know that I would make a post out of it. Why do haters think that we don't enjoy parodies, and laughing at ourselves? Don't they realize that they're just actually supplying the material that fuels our obsession? *Snicker, snicker*

Anywhore, here's the vid. My favourite part is definitely "It's Raining Men". LMAO! I dare you not to laugh out loud while you watch it. Go here, if you want to see it on youtube (larger screen).

*~*~*JELENA*~*~*

I love my Twilight friends; and so does my husband

2010-07-07T18:43:00.001+02:00

I have had the most amazing week thus far (and by week, I mean since Saturday). Maybe all my favourites, save Spain, have dropped out of the World Cup, but that doesn't matter with friends like I have.

First, I went to see Eclipse. My Eclipse date had bailed out on me, so I had to bring mini Edward and Bella to keep me company. Sadly, I was too embarrassed to take the photo of the three of us, as I was sure to be labeled a pathetic lunatic by everyone else. I know, that shouldn't have bothered me, but it did.

Eclipse, as you know, is amazing. I am putting David Slade's name on the list of my favourite directors. He did an exquisite job, and you can really tell he cared about the characters... which I cannot say for Chris Weitz.
The only thing that bothered me in Eclipse, was Bella's wig. The only time it was perfect was during the last, meadow scene. It made me wonder why it hadn't looked like that throughout the entire film.

Then, on Monday, I finally uploaded the final chapter of The Canvas - the fan fiction I had been writing since October last year. I can't believe it took me that long to write it. It was an experience that had a very profound influence on me, fueling me with the confidence I needed to embark on a bolder journey, and start writing a book.

Yesterday, the postman brought me an envelope posted by Jen from Twired. She had sent me a poster of Kellan, and a special, Eclipse, edition of People magazine.

It took me an hour just to flip through that magazine - because it was the first one ever of that kind I flipped though. I've never seen either one of the Twilight cast in a magazine. Unbelievable, I know.

Jen is such a sweetheart. I still can't believe she did this, especially because I know she's been strapped for cash lately.

So, you can understand how I went a little nuts when today my husband phoned me at work to say that there had been ANOTHER package delivered.

I literally started jumping up and down in the office, squeeing like a little girl. I couldn't wait to get home. I had a pretty good idea where the package came from. It was from DangrDafne. She is definitely one of the sweetest, kindhearted women I've ever known.

My loot: Men's Health (obviously) - for which I'm so grateful, because the July issue here, had Josh Holloway on the cover; New Moon Emmett candy; and, the specialty - the Twilight journals. A while ago, DangrDafne had read on Walk With Mrs.P. blog that I wanted these journals in my possession. Bad. And, without letting me know, she bought them for me and sent them my way.

This is what this is all about - the community. I am thanking the lucky stars that led me to you, wonderful women, who enrich my life on a daily basis. There are not enough words in ANY language to express my gratitude for my Twilight friends. I love you.

I almost forgot to say that upon seeing the candy, MM, aka my husband, said this: "Why did she send you Emmett candy? Wait! All this time I had been sending evil thoughts toward that... what's his name (he meant Rob), and you have a crush on Emmett?"

PMSL

*~JELENA~*

What the hell is THAT?

2010-06-22T09:11:00.003+02:00

This is the dress that Kristen wore at the Rome Eclipse premiere. I never thought that the garbage bag she wore recently could be topped off, but this really takes the prize for the worst dress I've seen her in. Don't shoot me. I ain't a Kristen hater, I just hate her stylist. Don't you?

Source: People Magazine

But, to show you that she indeed can look cute, here's another photo from Rome. This was taken at the Eclipse promotion.

Care to guess which one I voted as a hit, and which one I said was a miss on People's Magazine's "Last Night's Look: Hit or Miss"?

Speaking of People, go here to take their awesome Twilight poll. See?

Here's what I did over the weekend

2010-06-21T13:45:00.000+02:00

We don't celebrate Father's Day here, so I had no problem pushing my husband to finally get his tools and screw a few screws in the wall of my room. Since we have no kids yet, we're using one of the bedrooms as my personal room.
Anyhow, MM wasn't too happy about hanging up Kellan. I wanted to put him next to the window, and MM was adamant that I hang him behind the door. He said he didn't want to look at Kellan every time he walked in the room.

All the while, he was mumbling to himself, cursing Kellan, threatening to beat the shit out of him. He wasn't particularly fond of the fact that Kellan wrote that he hearts me.
Of course, MM was only joking. He's been a really good sport about all of this. He doesn't feel threatened, and it doesn't hurt that I keep telling him that Kellan looks like him.

I will add the photo of my corner as soon as I get home, but I couldn't wait to share the new Rob photos with you now.

Speaking of Kellan, here's a behind the scenes video of Men's Health cover shoot.

And, now, for something super special, here are a couple of new photos of Rob from TV Week.

Source: Twilight - V Style on Facebook, who got them god knows where. If you have a FB account, and you're not their fan, you definitely should look them up and click "like". They're a group of amazingly talented chicks who are incredibly up to date, and who make fantastic wallpapers.

*~*Jelena*~*

A Bleeding Heart

2010-06-16T00:01:00.001+02:00

Hello everyone - new and old followers.

This will be another personal post - with one heartbreaking, one flirty, and one pretty graphic tale. I hope there are no squeamish girls among you, because the journey below is not pretty.

A while ago, I vented regarding my reproductive issues, and I received a lot of valuable advice from a lot of you which led me to go back to my doctor and agree to his suggestion to do an HSG. After getting all sorts of swabs and blood work done, yesterday, finally I went into the hospital. It was only after they checked me in that I was informed that they would have to shave my vagina, and do an enema. These two alone had me wanting to quit the entire thing. But I didn't.

Shudder. Actually, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Instead, I dived into the book I brought with me - which was Lord of the Rings. It's one of my favourite books of all time, but this was the first time I was reading it in its original language. It was like reading a new book entirely as so much was lost when it was translated into Serbian. It was my intent to completely immerse myself in Tolkien's world, but fate wouldn't have it.

Initially, I was put in a room with an old lady, but a young girl asked the nurses if I could be transferred to her room. She didn't want to be alone, and her wish was granted. At first I thought she was pregnant, because her stomach was big. She was not. Not anymore at least. Two weeks before she was due, which was on Thursday of last week, she woke up in the middle of the night with the urge to go to the bathroom. Except that an instant later she started bleeding profusely, was taken to the hospital, had an emergency C section, only to have her baby die the next die.
It was her first child.

A moment of silence for the life that never began

I tried to make her feel better by talking, but she wasn't too responsive, which was to be expected. It's not that she wasn't interested in talking, it's just that she was very heavily sedated, which slowed her down.

Serbian hospitals are like that - people feel free to ask why you're there and it's very hard to keep private, even if you want to. I was already feeling anxious regarding the procedure that awaited me, and now, I carried the burden of having to amuse my broken hearted roommate. Her predicament rubbed off on me, and on more than a couple of occassions, I found myself teary eyed. I felt really bad about leaving this afternoon, as she would be alone again.

Life can be so cruel sometimes. Even I have difficulties wrapping my mind around the fate that has befallen her.

But even knowing that there are far worse destinies than my own couldn't console me during HSG. All this time, the nurses and doctors kept telling me it doesn't hurt; it's only uncomfortable. I knew they were trying to tone it down, but I didn't realize I would end up biting my own hand until it bled. I kid you not. And, I didn't even realize that I'd injured myself until well after the whole ordeal.

I was prepared to hurt, but I couldn't imagine the actual scope of the pain. It hurt like a motherfucker! The doctor struggled to put the fucking tube through my cervix and into my uterus, and I gasped and even yelped a couple of times, while nurses spoke calming words to me. In the end, both doctor and I were a pool of sweat. Thankfully, everything turned out to be alright - my uterus looks good and my tubes are clean. So, yay. Still, I cried a little when I got back to my room - while I was alone of course.

Now, after I've made your hearts ache, and filled your brains with horrid images, lemme go back to the most interesting part of my stay in the hospital - meeting the new doctor.

During this morning's rounds there was an entire suite made up of two doctors that have been working there for ages, a couple of nurses and this young guy I've never seen before. Apparently, he's there doing internship. I wouldn't even notice him, as I had other things on my mind (like food and coffee which I wouldn't be getting after the procedure, blah). But something rather peculiar happened when he came over the treshold and noticed me. Instantly, it felt like a wind had blown through the room. I am incredibly intuitive, and his interest in me was hard to miss. He stopped short for a brief moment, like he was very surprised to see me; like setting his eyes on me had a profound effect on him. All this, I got from a split second - that's how long his gaze settled on me. He needed to concentrate on what the others were saying about my roommie, so he didn't look at me. But still, his waves flowed my away.

Would you believe me if I told you this image flashed across my eyes? Well it didn't, so don't. The trainee was no Carslisle, and I was no Esme (thank Kellan aka my personal god).

The suite of doctors didn't dwell on me, in fact, they hardly even stopped at my bed before they moved on.
Later, I found out from my roommate that the doctor in training is a son of a very well known surgeon in this town. If I haven't mentioned it thus far, I'm saying it now - this town is very small, and everyone knows everything about doctors and such folk.

I didn't really think further of him. I stepped into Shire again, while impatiently awaiting my turn to have HSG. When they finally told me it was time, my stomach was in knots. All the way to the other part of the pavilion, the nurses kept telling me to relax, that it won't hurt. Sure, sure. What a crock of shit. You try to relax while they're sticking a tube through your cervix and pumping iodine in your uterus!

I was already sitting half naked on the table when my doctor and who else, but the trainee walked in. "Well, I meant her," the trainee said to the doc, alluding to the fact that he had been speaking about me. My guess is that he asked who I was or something like that, but I can't say with certainty, obviously.
Anyhow, while I struggled to stay still and not bite my finger off, I really couldn't care less that he was there. I just kept praying for it to be over - and I never pray.

At 1 p.m. they discharged me, which proved to be just in time for one last, and the most significant meeting with the trainee. His shift was over. I actually hardly recognized him out of the uniform, and now I have doubts I will know him if I pass him on the street.

He was the first one who started talking:

Him: "You're leaving?"
Me: "Yes," I said with a grin, relieved the whole ordeal was over and done with. "Sorry about that earlier, in there," I referred to my moaning during HSG.
Him: "Don't worry about it. That's perfectly normal," we stepped outside into the sun. "Where are you from?"
Me: "In what sense?"
Him: "I mean are you from this town?" He fumbled with his keys as we were approaching his car.
Me: "No. I'm from Belgrade." (Belgrade is the capital of Serbia) "And now I live here. I live across the street," I felt compelled to add this, cause something told me he would offer me the ride.
Him: "From Belgrade? And you came here?" his mouth dropped. "I've never heard of anyone from Belgrade coming here."
That's the usual reaction. Everybody wants to go to the capital, not from it.
Him: "So, do you have someone here, like relatives and such?"
Me - he cannot be feeling the terrain; he must know I'm married since an hour earlier he had stared down my vagina, during a procedure only women who want children do - "My husband is from here. But it was I who insisted we move here."
Him: "You insisted?" his surprise seemed endless. "Way to go."
Me: "Well, I like it better here. I'll see you around."
Him: "See you."

He got into his car, and I walked feeling on top of the world. He made my day. But before I got home, I walked by him once again, as he passed by me in his car. I waved, and he said "Bye."

Curious. Very, fucking curious, don't you think?

So, now, I have swift clean reproductive organs, and a bare pussy. Gee, what to do? Speaking of which, I hate the way it looks - like some kind of an alien. I always wondered, do they make you girls shave before giving birth and such?

*Jelena* or, as I like to think of myself - doctor seducer, pmsl.

EDIT: I just found him on Facebook. JFC. Not sure if I'll add him, though.

Dissecting the new HQ Eclipse stills

2010-06-08T09:11:00.000+02:00

In case you haven't seen them, the new Eclipse stills have surfaced. Everything is beautiful but that god awful hair. Seriously. The only one with the good hairdo is the one that matters the most - Rob.

This particular photo breaks my heart. Jasper looks like an old aunt, or a closeted faggot (no offense meant), and Alice? Well, she looks like a drag queen too. Not to mention the awkwardness of this pose. It's like they were photographed for a Walmart catalogue.

The relationship between Bella and Charlie is my favourite in the movies. Billy and Kristen have a really good, natural vibe that just emanates from the screen.

Finally, we get to see the humans in Eclipse. They all look pretty much the same except for Eric. Not sure yet how I feel about his hair. What do you think?

Mmm. Even though I detested Jacob in the book, I certainly wouldn't mind having a little of Taycob. However, he can really come up with a new way to pose next to his bike, don't you think?

Just another example of horrid hair. However, I still think Nikki makes a beautiful Rosalie, even though I know most of you were not pleased that she was chosen for the part. This is a perfect opportunity for me to elaborate on why I was super pleased to see they opted for a curvy actress, instead of employing some some super thin blond bimbo. In this era of anorexia it was nice to see that for a change. I remember reading in the blogosphere that a lot of fans disliked the way those jeans fit on Nikki, but I still super love them. Her ass looks so curvy and delicious, I was hypnotized by it. I think we need to promote women like her as role models to young girls.

I wonder if Stephenie knew what she was doing when she made her characters walk around half naked.

What a lovely shot. Anyone remember what those marks on Sam's arm are supposed to be? I'm drawing a blank. Or is it just something that's a part of Chaske Spencer's skin?

And, finally. Gah! I am simply taken aback. He stands out so much. I love that they put him in that pale tee. Really, looking at these photos gives me hope for Eclipse; one that was taken away by New Moon.

Loving the eyes, the tormented gaze, the pink lipstick. He is simply beautiful. I don't get how they manage to make him look so buff in the saga, when in all those paparazzi photos, he looks like a twig that's just about to break. I wonder if this is what Edward looks like while that idiot Jacob is assaulting Bella's lips.

I would love to see this photo over at Twilight Mommy's DBS.

I need that wardrobe. I really, really need that wardrobe, especially the coat. Now, as for Bryce herself - cute, but not in the tiniest bit intimidating, the way Victoria is supposed to be. Did anyone actually explain to her she needs to look more ferile, and not like she's secretly staring at her lover from afar?

There are a few of more photos that you can see over at Twifans, and this whole bunch was taken from there.

Only 22 more days left. Now, if only I could stop staring at Robward. JFC.

*Jelena*

News on Rob

2010-05-28T18:05:00.003+02:00

Usually, when I google Rob, I go straight to the images section. This time however, my attention got caught by a couple of headlines in the News for Robert Pattinson section.

Supposedly, Rob went around the Water for Elephants set claiming he wasn't dating Kristen, and that he was single. For some reason, the thought of them not being a couple made me sad, which could only mean that, sigh, I give a Crapsten.

They look pretty much into each other here, don't you think?

Rob says his role model is none other but Daniel Radcliffe. Now, this is an interesting bit of news. Moreover he says he would like to follow in Daniel's footsteps. Um. Oh. Dear. God. Just the mere thought of this becoming a reality is making me all tingly. Don't know why I'm so hyped up? Well, remember this?

Good lord, oh yes, Rob, please do follow in Daniel's footsteps

Hell! I think my heard would palpitate even at the censored Rob version

In other news, it's been rumoured that Rob has a particular fancy for Kristen's feet. In fact, according to this one site, he's nothing short of Eddie Murphy in Boomerang.* I can't tell you how happy this makes me, not because I have a really sexy pair of feet, but because finally, we got a little bit of news pertaining to Rob's sexuality. We want fetishes. We want kink.

Oh, and apparently, Rob compared Kristen's feet to a beautiful, yet fragile vase. (note: Uh, I am totally ignoring the gayness of this statement, lol)

And last, but certainly not least, I learned today that Rob has delved into the world of charity work. He teamed up with the Parents and Abducted Children Together (PACT) to raise funds for missing children. He created one of a kind drawing which will be sold on E-Bay. You can bid here. At the time of this post, the current bid was 650 pounds. As for the image itself... Hm. Supposedly, he did a self portrait, but I find very little similarity between

THIS

Oh.My.God. Is that a dick I see on the left? Oh my, Rob! Mrs.P., I think there's work here for you. To analyze the image. What else did you think I meant?

AND THIS

ENJOY THE WEEKEND

*JELENA*

*If you've not seen Boomerang, Eddie Murphy has a very profound foot fetish.

Rob vs. Kristen faceoff

2010-05-26T12:18:00.001+02:00

I know you'd never think it, but I visit People magazine website from time to time. I love taking their quizzes and voting on stars' looks.

So today, I came across a couple of quizzes I just couldn't not take, you know?

1. Robert Pattinson's goofiest moments - Even before taking it I knew I was gonna flunk it, because I rarely watch Rob's appearances. Surprisingly, I got 4 out of 8 questions right, but was endlessly entertained by the extent of Rob's goofiness. This is what People told me at the end:

You know some of Rob's silly moments, but not quite enough to take your skills to the Robsessed level!

Yikes. That's a really bad score, Jelly baby!

Oh-kay. If you say so. *goes hides in the corner and cries a little*

2. Kristen vs. Bella: Who's Who?

Here, I got 7 out of 9 answers right. Woot, woot!! And People told me: Your knowledge of Kristen and Bella makes us want to bite our own lips!

Well, this is the one image of Kristen I haven't seen. And WOW is all I can muster to say.

On second thought, WTF? How did this happen? I seem to know more about Kristen than Rob? Or is it just my immense knowledge of Bella that aided me in getting the high score?

Anyhow you should go take the quiz, but remember to come back here and tell me your score, 'kay?

Well, hello! This is the Rob I know.

*JELENA*

It's official

2010-05-24T14:25:00.003+02:00

This blog is turning into an ode to Kellan. Those of you who are regulars probably don't find this one bit surprising, but I feel the need to warn those of you who don't frequent these parts as much, or who just happened to come here by accident. Speaking of which, I cherish comments, and nothing excites me more than hearing from you, so don't be shy. Come out and play with the rest of us.

Back to today's agenda - Lutzaholism. After looking at VMAN outtakes posted below, I dare your panties to remain dry. I am posting them all, because I just cannot choose favourites.

Motherfucker! I. Am. Died. Can I touch? Oh can I, please, please? I promise to ~~not~~ behave.

The East European dance look never looked sexier. Well, actually, it's the first EVER it looks not only appealing, but it's making my vagina sing.

Oh, be still my heart. Please.

Source

In case you didn't know, this is what my boytoy said in this issue: I like getting hurt. I don’t have tattoos, so my bruises and scars are my tattoos.

That is possibly the hottest thing I've heard anyone say. I knew there was a reason I had a thing for scars. He's just given me the flirting line to use for when I meet him. Do you wanna hear it?

Can I touch your scars?

Not very inventive I know, but it's effective enough for giggles and sparks.

What is the best/worst pick up line someone used on you?

Tell me in the comments!

*JELENA*

P.S. Now is the perfect time to tell you that after careful consideration, I'm going to be changing my avatar to that face in the hole photo from the previous post, like that's a fucking surprise.

Team Rob vs. Team Kellan

2010-05-20T14:50:00.001+02:00

Right.

Last week was all about Rob. We had that birthday train thingy going on, then the Oprah show, now Ellen. Well, to be frank, I've had a little too much - I know, who could possibly ever have too much of Rob? The girl who seriously crushes on Kellan, that's who.

Holy shit we look so natural together, don't we? I've considered tweeting this photo to @kellanlutz, because so far I've had no luck inspiring him to tweet me back. Who says aye and who says nay? Please advise me in the comments.

I am so head over heels over this guy that I think I would have the hardest time saying "No" to him if by some miracle he would want to drag me in his bed... or his bathroom, whatever works for him.

Oh, who am I kidding, my resolve would melt like a pack of ice in a desert. I'm sure MM would understand if I told him that I just had to, HAD TO feel Kellan's soft red lips part mine, his tongue merge with mine as his arms are drawing me closer into his body, and his hips are grinding into me. I would plead insanity if MM ever questioned why I couldn't possibly stay away from Kellan's gargantuan member.

Okay, this is sooo not what I wanted to talk about, but I think you understand why I got carried away there.

Yesterday, after watching Rob on Ellen, I realized that I am almost constantly feeling embarrassed for him when I see him in one of these shows. I was glad to see him finally admit that he doesn't think before he speaks, but why does he always have to play the "I'm stupid note"? I would really like to see the true Robert Pattinson, as opposed to watching one of his personas.

Take Kellan for example. Finally, after a month and a half, I remembered to watch his appearance on Jimmy Kimmel. Seeing that totally didn't help my obsession. In fact, it just fueled it. He was so comfortable and relaxed, I felt like I could've listened to him for hours. A slight shiver passed through my body as I heard him speak of the jelly beans, and I had to remind myself that he wasn't talking about me.

Why can't you be more like Kellan, dammit, Rob?

I can't help but wonder about this difference between Rob and Kellan. I understand Rob is more popular, but it is slightly off putting that he doesn't have more interest in connecting with the fans. The least he could is open up a fucking Twitter account. If farmboy (and I mean this in the nicest way possible) I hate technology Kellan could do it, so could he.

Ah, that's more like it.

Never can get enough of this photoshoot

I was genuinely surprised that Rob agreed to do the house call thing on Oprah. That just didn't seem like his thing, but it did score him major points with me. Speaking of which, I had to lower my head and shake it in disapproval when I was watching that part. Those girls were just awful. MM felt pretty bad for him to, and said "No wonder the dude said he's allergic to vaginas".
If Rob showed up at my door, I'd be totally shocked, yes, but I wouldn't jump on him. JFC, don't those people have any shame? He's a person, not some bloody toy they get to fucking hug in the children aisle.

More probably than not, I would stutter and blush profusely, but I'm pretty sure it would take me only seconds to recover and offer Rob some beer. You can tell me in the comment what you would do if Rob showed up at your house?

I am just going to keep imagining what I would do if I ever found myself in the presence of that sex God KLutz, and what excuses I could use to get MM's approval to shag him.

Almost forgot to bring you the good news: Kellan and Ashley signed with Summit for Breaking Dawn. Yay! Crisis averted.

And don't forget to tell me whether you think I should tweet that face in the hole photo to Kellan

*JELENA*

The vampire story I wrote as a teen

2010-05-17T14:44:00.002+02:00

I finally had the time to sit down and translate one of those stories I wrote as a teen. Of course, I picked the vampire story - what else. I changed the names for the sole purpose of sounding better, but basically, I am Amy, my incurable teen crush is Johnny (btw, I had it wrong, it wasn't he who was the vampire in this story - I didn't remember it right), and Phillip is an entirely fictional character. One other thing I didn't remember was that I'd always put the date at the end, so I was shocked when last week I realized that I was 15 years old when I wrote this story.

I do hope that you enjoy reading it at least the tiniest bit. It's not ultra mega fantastic, because, like I said, I was 15 when I wrote it, and I tried to be as truthful to the original whilst translating.

So, without further ado, I give you

BLOOD

She was sitting in a dark room, smoking a cigarette. Black locks of her hair caressed her bare shoulders, while her blood red lips puffed the smoke. She thought about her life, and how she became who she was.

It was afternoon. She and her bestie were strolling through the neighbourhood, enjoying their everyday gossip. Sun caressed them, as streets echoed with their exuberant laughter. Suddenly, the world turned to silence. She saw him. Johnny. Kissing another girl. Her eyes welled with tears as her heart ached. As fast as she could, she ran.

Nikki, her friend, tried to stop her, but she couldn't catch up with Amy. Amy was running away from pain, from herself, but she couldn't find shelter anywhere. Feeling tired, she hid behind a bush, and started sobbing.

Why me? What did I do to deserve this? she thought to herself. Why couldn't he love her? Why must she suffer?

So many questions, and no answers.

The Sun was setting. The night was slowly descending. Amy still wasn't moving from that spot in the park. She had no desire to go home. Not yet.

Street lamps came to life, and Amy made a wish.

Let there be a miracle tonight. Help me survive this night. And the night after that. And the night after. And after.

Darkness was now everywhere. It surrounded her. All she could hear was a whooshing sound like wings parting the air. Amy looked up and saw a strange bird. The creature was circling around her. It was a bat. Amy was too tired to move and run away from the animal.

Suddenly, the bat disappeared, and a young man with long black hair and blue eyes stood in front of her. Amy rose to her feet.

“Who are you?”

“It doesn't matter,” he answered in a deep voice. “It's dark, and late. Shouldn't you be at home?”

“What's it to you?” she smirked.

“Don't be upset. I just want to make sure nothing happens to you.”

“Why? You don't even know me.” Her eyes were sad when she looked at him. Something mysterious and unfamiliar lured her to approach him. Her eyes met his, and she launched herself at him, merging her lips with his. It was the most beautiful kiss Amy had ever experienced. The guy was kissing her neck when suddenly Amy felt a piercing pain. She was limp as she fell back on the ground. In front of her eyes, the young man transformed into a bat. A vampire.

He hadn't drunk all of her blood. He only took enough to satisfy his thirst. He was gone now, and somehow managing to stand up, Amy staggered home, collapsing in her bed.

She woke up in the morning feeling drained. As she got up, a slight ray of sunlight touched her hand, and she screamed in agony. Her skin, in that spot, was burned. It wasn't too bad, but it was enough to frighten her.

What is happening to me? she thought to herself as she went to the bathroom. After she washed her face, she lifted her head, and froze stiff. There was no reflection of her in the mirror. She looked at her body, and noticed only then that she was very pale.

“No,” she whispered while remembering last night. “Oh no,” she wept. “I don't want to be... a vampire,” she hid in a shadow sobbing herself to sleep.

It was already dark out when she woke up. She stepped out to the balcony, feeling hungry. In the distance, she saw a girl walking down the street. Instinctively Amy jumped off, turning into a bat. Sneaking, she grabbed the girl from behind, drawing her fangs into the young girl's neck. Amy was thirsty.

She drank every last drop of the girl's blood, before she left her for dead. It was only then that she noticed that the girl she just murdered was her best friend. Nikki! Stifling a scream, Amy flew high towards the sky.

She circled high above the city, admiring its beauty. Life as she knew it was no longer the same. She was now a vampire – a creature who lived at night, fed on blood, and could transform itself into a bat or a werewolf.

All the nights were the same after that one. She would fly over the city looking for victims. One person a night. She had almost become famous. The papers wrote about her – a mysterious creature killing people.

It was months before Amy saw again that young man who transformed her.

She was sitting in a corner, smoking a cigarette, damning him, when out of nowhere, he appeared in front of her. She stubbed out her smoke, and looked at him with hatred and sorrow.

“Well, it's been a while.” he said. “I thought I stopped by and saw how you were doing.”

“Look at what I've become! Why did you do this to me?” She wept.

“Hey, I'm just like you are now. I yearn for blood.”

“I murdered my best friend because of you... dozens of people. Why didn't you kill me straight away? Why did you let me live?”

“You were too pretty for death. Besides, I got bored of spending eternity alone.”

“You... You think I'm going to be with you?”

“Then why did you kiss me that night?”

“I... don't know...” Her eyes settled on him. There was still something drawing her to him. She couldn't resist. She kissed him. Again. And, in that moment, she knew she wouldn't be able to let go of him. Ever.

The two of them flew back to his modest house. It was utter darkness inside. The walls were covered in photos and paintings going back centuries. He and some other families, some other girls, some other people... some other life.

“Who are all these people?” she asked.

“It's a long story,” he sighed.

“How old are you?”

“299. In a few months, I'll be 300.”

“Wow. I don't ... sorry, I don't even know your name.”

“Phillip. My name is Phillip.”

“Phillip, I don't understand, how come you look so young if you're 299 years old?”

“A vampire stops aging at a certain point. The same will happen to you too.”

“When?”

“When you turn 17.”

“What happens to people who become vampires when they're older than 17?”

“They simply stay that age.”

“How did you become a vampire?”

“I was born that way. My mother was a vampire, and my father was a human peasant. The two of them fell in love, and that's when I was born. When I was 4, the people from our village discovered that my mother was a vampire, and murdered her. I was raised by my father, and when he died, I continued living on my own. In solitude.”

“Fascinating.” She couldn't stop staring down the depth of his blue eyes. She kissed him. His long black hair was combed by her fingers. They lay down on the couch, undressing each other. They made love.

Amy woke up. Outside it was dusk. All the windows inside the house were covered by wooden panels, and not a single ray of light could penetrate. Phillip's arms were still wrapped around her. Slowly, she got up and covered herself with a blanket.

“Phillip,” She whispered, waking him with kisses. He opened his eyes, grabbed her swiftly, and pinned her to the bed, while kissing her passionately.

“Phillip,” she murmured until he released her. “I'm hungry.”

The two of them were flying above the city, scouting for victims. Down below, a man was walking his dog. Amy lowered herself, sneaked behind him. She plunged her huge fangs into the old man's arteries, sucking the life out of him. Phillip fed elsewhere.

Every night they searched for victims, and every night their bodies merged. Once, just as they were about to fly off, after leaving another helpless person dead, Amy's attention was drawn by something she saw sticking to the lamp pole. It was a paper with her picture on it, and with the words MISSING written on it.

Her old life flashed before her eyes. It was dead to her now.

“What is it?” Phillip approached her.

“Nothing.” She tore the paper to pieces. “Phillip,” she turned and hugged him. “I love you,” Amy whispered.

“I love you too.”

As soon as she heard his words, Amy started sobbing.

“Let's get out of here.” He carried her home.

They spent the night in each other's arms, falling asleep at dawn.

And the next night came and went. And, the next, and the next. Hours, weeks, months passed. Finally it was Phillip's 300^th birthday, on the same day as Amy's 17^th.

They scowled the city again.

“Hm, that guy down there looks quite yummy.” Phillip licked him mouth as he started descending towards the ground.

“NO!” Amy screamed. “Not him! You can't touch him, you just can't.”

“I thought you loved me. I thought you'd forgotten about him.”

“I do love you Phillip, but please, if you love him, you will leave Johnny alone.”

“You are my love, but this is the best present I could've gotten for my birthday.” He barely even finished speaking, when he flew down to the ground intercepting Johnny.

In the same moment he sprung towards him, Amy grabbed a branch laying on the ground. She threw herself on top of Phillip, knocking him over.

“Get out of my way, Amy!” he snarled.

“I'm sorry.” Tears ran down her eyes as she plunged the wood through Phillip's heart. His scream ripped the air.

Sobbing, Amy caressed his face.

“I love you, Amy,” he whispered his last breath.

Only now did Johnny recover from what he saw and decide to approach Amy. His arms wrapped around her, but she pushed him away.

“I can't live like this anymore,” she spoke through the tears. “I can't keep on killing innocent people... or the ones I love.” She bent over, picking up the branch from Phillip's chest. “Give me peace, Johnny.” She handed him the deadly the wood.

“No, Amy, I can't.”

“Then I will kill you,” she growled unveiling her fangs. She was already on top of him, when piercing pain shot through her body. “Thank you,” she smiled as she looked at the stake sticking out of her heart. Blood started pouring through her mouth, disabling her breathing. It was her own blood, mixed with that of other people, that drowned her.

THE END

Yes, most of my stories were this dark. I was a very disturbed teen, and writing was definitely my outlet, much as it is now. But I would love to hear what you thought of it - and I appreciate honesty more than anything, even if you didn't get to read it until the end because you found it that boring, LoL.

Btw, my eyes almost popped out when I read that my vampire was 17 years old for eternity. I mean really, how cool am I, pmsl.

Love each other,

*Jelena*

Scummit is giving the boot to Ashley and Kellan in Breaking Dawn?

2010-05-12T10:47:00.002+02:00

I have never been this angry at fucking Scummit! Ever. Not even when they decided to replace Rachelle. Not even when they hired an incompetent ass to do the hair and wardrobe in NM (and apparently the same is true of hair in Eclipse, too). Not even when they rushed what was supposed to be an emotional reunion between Edward and Bella in NM. Or when they decided to trade the indie look of Twilight in favour of regular blockbuster cinematography in New Moon. Nope, not even then. I always gave them benefit of the doubt. But now I'm fucking fuming!

Apparently, they are considering replacing Kellan Lutz and Ashley Greene in Breaking Dawn. I ran across this somewhere yesterday and dismissed it as gossip, because the thought that Emmett and Alice could be played by anyone else IS just inconceivable to me.

If I wasn't so fucking pissed, I'd hole in the face them with someone ridiculous to prove just how ridiculous it'd be if they were played by anyone else

But when today I got an invite on Facebook to join a group I want Ashley Greene and Kellan Lutz in Breaking Dawn, I decided to research the matter. It turns out, it's not an evil motherfucking gossip. They actually might do this. Consider doing this. What the hell? Who in their right mind would replace the guy who Stephenie Meyer hand picked herself, or the girl that charmed the entire fandom? And in the last film of the series at that? Summit Entertainment, that's who.

The photo never looked so ominous

Here's what the dispute is about. Kellan and Ashley have asked for more money than they were offered, and Scummit is withholding it, threatening to replace them.

"A source told the trade that the offers the actors received for the proposed film were "offensive" in comparison with how much dough the franchise has earned. Another insider says, meanwhile, that Summit might be willing to cut ties with at least one of them to "make a point."

This particular snippet was taken from EOnline, but the info is all over the web.

There aren't enough words in any language to express just how seriously I fucking want to strap those Scummit motherfuckers to a tree, and chop them piece by piece for an entire month, before I let ants, worms and bugs devour them. Alive.

So... what do you think? Are you upset, but will get over it? Do you not care either way (somehow, I doubt anyone is going to feel indifferent)? Or are you like me, on the verge of vowing that if this happens you will boycott the motherfucking movie, and all future Summit's releases?

Here's praying we get to see these kind of shots from Breaking Dawn set as well

*JELENA*

Twilight Unites My Past With My Future

2010-05-10T14:07:00.002+02:00

It's not like I haven't considered time and time again why I'm so obsessed with Twilight, it's just that I don't remember sharing this with you. I was over at Musing Bella's Cheaper Than Therapy blog, reading about the ways in which she relates to Bella, and my comment was becoming so long, that I decided to make an entire post out of it.

It wasn't that I identified with Bella.

It wasn't that I fell in love with Edward either.

Nor Jacob, if that's what you're thinking.

I was just simply in awe that a book of that sort has not only been published, but has reached unprecedented fame - as far as teen romances go anyway.

You see, when I was something like 13 years old (which was back in '93), I started writing love stories. It was like I was possessed. I wrote constantly - in class, during breaks, at home, you name it. Once, I was home sick for an entire week with bronchitis, and during that time I wrote a fucking mini novel, filling out a whole notebook with (mis)adventures of a couple of teenage girls and their boyfriends.

My classmates devoured these stories, and were only too eager to commenting on each one of them. Yeah, I provided a little space for comments after each story. This was like our very own version of blogging, but before internet was even used commercially.

In most stories, I was the main female protagonist, while my male counterpart was this guy who lived on the same street as me, who I had been in love with my entire teenage years. I even wrote one story in which I was a human girl, and he was a Vampire!!

I continued writing well into High School as well, until one of my BFF's turned to me and said:
"Jelena, why are you writing this garbage?"

I respected her opinion immensely (and still do), and after careful evaluation, I decided perhaps it was time I delved into some other genre. I continued writing, but I shied away from teen romances. Until I picked up Twilight.
I gaped the entire time I was reading, because it could very well have been one of my stories. Not that I had such elaborate plots, but still, the premise was the same: vulnerable, insecure teenage love. The only difference was, majority of my stories involved love making. You hear that Stephenie? Ha?

Anyhoo, churning my insides, the saga helped me reconnect with that part of myself which I forgot resided in me. The moment I came across fan fiction, I knew what I had to do. I've already decided that writing an actual novel is going to be the next thing I did. This has been my dream since forever. For the first time in my life I can clearly see the road that lay in front of me, and have the courage to walk it.

So, would you like for me to translate one of these stories and post them on the blog? How about the Vampire story? Whaddya say?

Also, tell me, do you think that coming out of the Twi closet comes with a stigma, and why?

Mrs.P. look what I found

*JELENA*

P.S. If you're wondering what happened between that guy and me... well, I once answered this question over at Edbrella's FFF (scroll to my answer to question #5), but basically, there was some X rated stuff involved when I was 19, and we remain friends until this day.

Paris Paris

2010-05-06T21:31:00.000+02:00

Soooo, y'all humoured me and switched to FB yesterday.

Thank you all for the fabulous welcome, especially TongueTwied's daughter who pointed to a picture of me while TT was going through my album and asked: "Who is that? Bella?" Reward that child from me, will ya TT?

So, while we were in the Dam, my brother informed us we would have to leave a couple of days earlier than we intended because his friend would be coming over. My bro lives in this tiny little apartment where everything is in one room. Kitchen too.

On a whim, my parents decided we should go to Paris. In one swift move we booked a hotel room, and that was pretty much it. For some dumbass reason, it never occurred to us do any further research on the city itself. We thought we'd figure it all out when we got there. WRONG!!

No one would help us. The hotel receptions gave us the basics on how to get to downtown Paris : either take the bus or the tram and then hop on the metro, and voila, you'll be where you want. Well, it wasn't that fucking easy. We stared like idiots at the metro map for 45 minutes, trying to figure out how the metro works. And, as an added fun, it was all written in French. Even though I know enough French to get by, it still wasn't enough to help us decipher that fucking map. I was already on the brink of screaming when these three businessman came by, speaking English, and I asked them to help us figure out how metro operates. I don't know if you're aware, but Paris metro is the oldest in Europe.

Our first destination - Eiffel Tower, what else?

Just in case you have any doubts, I took this photo

I knew it was big, I just never realized it was that fucking huge - not even when I saw it from an airplane while landing at Charles de Gaulle for transit a few years ago. It really is marvelous looking, and while I do understand that Parisians hate it because it attracts tourists, it's still a symbol of their city and full of history. And I was definitely in awe of it.

Or maybe I just fell in love with the scenery under the tower.

That is the biggest fucking oak tree I've ever seen in my life

The only thing that seriously ruined the experience came in form of this white dirt surrounding the area. It was very windy, and this fucking dirt got into our eyes, nose, hair. I had been sneezing since we got off the metro because I have spring allergies, and that dust only fueled my predicament, filling up my mouth and lungs - I can still taste it as I type.

Anyhow, while I did want to go up on the Tower at one point, I tossed the idea away as soon as I saw the lineup. Instead, we crossed the Seine, and took some photos of each other.

Then we decided to check out just how far is Arc De Triomph. We had this map that the receptions gave us, so we followed it, and something like 15 minutes later, we were standing in front of that monstrosity.

It was already late, and we were pretty tired from the journey, even if it is only 500km from Amsterdam to Paris, so we decided to go back. This time we opted to get on the tram once we were off the metro. Luckily, this time there was someone working in the information booth, and he helped us buy the tickets. Maybe this is a good spot to say that we were only helped by people who were clearly immigrants. The only Caucasians that aided the poor tourists were those three businessman, and even they weren't too happy about it. I don't know what gives. The entire time we were there we were made to feel like third class because we don't speak French. And when I did, some pretended not to understand because of my accent. This was particularly true when I was buying sandwiches and a croissant in a bakery. The girl who worked there tore the skies with her nose, and pouted so hard, she could've made any porn star jealous.

This attitude really didn't upset me one bit. On the contrary, I found it quite amusing. I pity the French I tell you. They should be embarrassed of themselves. See, when we finally got off the metro, we couldn't find the tram. And why? Because we thought the tramway would go on tracks above the actually ground. Well, it turns out, it's an underground train that doesn't travel as fast as metro. That's the only difference. But before we discovered this, I was laughed at so heard when I approached the information counter and asked "Can I ask a question?" The guy, who was maybe my age, went into hysterics, like I had said the funniest joke in the world. I had no other option but to turn to my wobbly French, and guess what, he answered with "Yeses", which means, he knows some English.

Now, listen to this ludicrous story. The next day, after we've finally unwound, we were ready to conquer Paris. We knew how the transportation system worked, we had a map, we had money, and we were armed with positive attitude. The only thing we didn't know was whether you could buy something like a day pass for the metro. My mom insisted on finding this out, so she and I entered what was a Tourist Bureau. Normally, my mom started talking in English, and this woman, sitting across the counter gawked at my mom, and said the rudest "Aaa?" I've ever heard. My mom then asked: "Do you speak English?" to which this idiot replied "No. Do you speak French?" - she asked this in French. My mom answered "No", and the woman was like gesturing in what was supposed to say "Well? See?"

For fucks sake! English is not our first language either, but we learned it because we needed to get by in the world. And these idiot Frenchies think that they don't need to know the language everyone communicates in. How sad really.
Later on in the day, I came up with this little speech in my head that I would say to the next person who spoke to us the way that woman spoke to my mom. Of course, the speech was in French, and it consisted of phrases such as "you're just jealous", "you should be ashamed that you can't speak a world language", and maybe a swear or two in either English or Serbian, I hadn't decided on that yet.

Luckily, we were able to stir clear of the Frenchies for the rest of the day. We ate at McDonalds! Horrible, I know, but we really had no other choice - because we didn't want to once again be on the receiving end of an "Aaa?" Also, the second we sat and got our menus at this one cafe on Champs Elysees, we got up - just a cup coffee cost 7 euros! A glass of whiskey was 20!!

Anyhow, now that I'm done trashing the most pompous nation I've come across, let's get to the good parts, like Montmartre - the old Bohemian area, where all the famous artists from the early 20th century lived and worked - like Van Gogh, Lautrec, Picasso, Dali... etc.

It's still an enchanting place, and lemme tell ya, we were just sorry we didn't end our day with the visit to Montmartre, as opposed to having started it.

The little square in Montmartre where all the artists today are concentrated. They are only slightly annoying - asking you if you want a portrait, but they leave you alone when you say you're not interested

Montmartre is located very high above the city, which gives a splendid overview of Paris, one that you can find in Van Gogh's paintings.

Surprisingly, if you want to buy souvenirs, Montmartre is the cheapest spot in Paris, because there's so much competition. Everyone here is nice and speaks English, probably because the site is swarmed with tourists.

From there on, I insisted we go to Moulin Rouge. It took forever for me to locate it on the map, because it's not marked. That was a really WTF moment for me. Moulin Rouge (aka bourlesque theatre) is located on a street where there is sex shop after sex shop, intercepted only by a strip club. Moulin Rouge still operates as a theater, but the tickets are sold out months in advance; not to mention they're expensive as hell.

We call my mom a paparazzi, btw

Anyhow, from there on, it was all downhill (and this I mean literally) to get to the Louvre. On the way, we passed by the famous Opera. I must tell you, my biggest impression is that Paris is horrible loud. There's so much traffic that even if I yelled out to my parents who were standing two meters away, they still wouldn't hear me. I am also still blown away by just how huuuuuuuge everything is - not only are the streets wide, but the buildings are humongous. You can really tell that there was once Royalty living there. Still, nothing prepared me for the mouth dropping site that is Louvre. I'm talking about the exterior - we didn't have the time to go inside the museum. The attention to detail is extraordinary and mind blowing. It's only that newest addition Pyramid thing that sticks like thorn in my eye. Who the hell came up with that idea? Was it supposed to compliment the obelisk that they stole from Luxor in Egypt? And that fucking white dirt was everywhere. Anyhow, I'm gonna let you enjoy the photos now. It was one hell of a trip, and I am so glad I went.

Detail from the rooftop of Paris opera. You can't even see the green dome until you're something like 100m away, that's how huge the building is

The infamous pyramid. Simply yuck! The Louvre however...

From Louvre, it's a straight path through this hypnotizing Arch, through the garden, by the obelisk, on Champs Elysees, all the way to the Arc de Triomph. Pretty fucking fantastic. You'll see.

But first, I needed to show you this detail of that Arch.

Okay, take a look at this...

... and then I turned my camera a 180 degrees. Even though the obelisk and Arc de Triomph look close, they're not. Btw, see that white dust I'm talking about? WTF? Couldn't they plant some grass or something?

I tried like hell not to pay attention to these African immigrants hauling bags filled with souvenirs and sunglasses, because staring at them for two seconds would make me seriously depressed. I can't help it - I have a soft spot for social inequality and injustice. I always wonder what they went through to get there so they could do these shitty jobs; who did they leave behind; what are their lives like?

Yeah, yeah, sorry, let's get back to enjoying the photos, shall we?

Just one of the many beautiful sculptures in the garden

My favourite photo of the entire trip

Yours truly

And finally, some hours later, sunset on Champs Elysees.

This was one hell of a trip for me, and I should probably write an ode to MM for making me go. Speaking of fantabulous husbands, there aren't enough words to describe the awesomeness that is Mr.Pantz. Let's all give a round of applause... or blow jobs - whichever you prefer - for supportive husbands, know what I'm sayin'?

*JELENA*

P.S. The album will be set up on FB tomorrow, and I will provide you with the link again

Back among the (un)living

2010-05-05T20:46:00.001+02:00

Hidy ho ho!

Finally, I'm back among the living... or I should say - the undead.

It was a hell of a journey. There is 1700km between Belgrade (capital of Serbia) and Amsterdam, and that's in one direction. We started off on Tuesday morning two weeks ago, drove the whole way, slept in a motel in Austria, drove the entire day again, and arrived in Amsterdam on Wednesday night.

My dad was driving the entire time. I am still not ready to be the one holding the wheel while the car is going at 140 km/h. Instead, I buried my nose in Beautiful Creatures. I really enjoyed reading the book. Btw, it was my one and only Nibbles who sent it to me, because you can't find it here. When I didn't read, I wrote chapter 12. Yep, for the first time in my life, I'm that dedicated. Here's proof if you don't believe me.

My baby in my lap

Serbia

Hungary, btw, I was pretty stoked to see every country in Europe having these windmills, except for fucking Serbia of course *rollseyes*

Sunset in Austria

Germany, very close to Netherlands

Speaking of Germans, they are fucking awesome. I have a totally new found respect for that nation. Their highway is spectacular. The country side and nature immaculate. They are especially kind, generous and speak very good English. And, as an added bonus, they are terrific, disciplined and fair drivers. They will never cut you off or blink their headlights at you for you to move out of their way. If you've no idea what I'm talking about, come to Serbia, and you'll see.

I have been postponing writing this post since I got back (which was three days ago), simply because I didn't know where to start. Then, today, I finally uploaded the photos to Facebook, and while I was writing my comments for each photo, I realized I should just direct you there, cause it's practically an entire post written in captions.

Lemme just tell ya, I was kinda disappointed not to run into any Twilight merch, but that was kind expected. Except at the book store of course. Speaking of which, my brother gave me the Twilight graphic novel for my birthday, and I devoured it. Lemme say, my strongest impression is that movie Edward is not as sensual as the graphic Edward. Yeah, don't fucking shoot me for saying that. Anyhow, for the rest of this post, follow this link.

This is just Netherlands, btw. I will do Paris tomorrow (or the day after). I sure as hell hope even those of you who are not on Facebook can read captions, because otherwise you'd just be getting pictures without words. Lemme know, ok.

Mwahs.

Btw,

I MISSED YOU BITCHES

* * *

Changes

2010-04-18T18:07:00.001+02:00

Three important things happened since Friday:

1. I changed my hair colour
2. I am going to Amsterdam
3. I just finished listening to Billy Burke's single

1. After two years of being blond, I craved a changed and decided to go auburn. I learned a valuable lesson in going through with this drastic change. Never dye your own hair if it's long, or your attempt to save money will eventually cost you more, because you'll end up having to go to a hairdresser after you've inevitably screwed up.
I didn't realize at first that I went Bella. I wonder if this ~~not so~~ little obsession we all share had something to do with me deciding to become a brunette. In any case, I really like it. See for yourself.

Taken yesterday at the wedding. I had to crop everyone out, and to take a photo of the photo (I don't have a a scanner at home). The best part is you can see someone's fingerprint over my left tit, LoL.

2. Me going to Amsterdam came out of nowhere. You may remember from one of my earlier posts that my brother lives in Amsterdam. My parents were supposed to go see him yesterday, and were gonna stay a week, but their flight got canceled to due to that volcanic eruption in Iceland. Yesterday morning, after considering their options, my mom phoned me to say that they'd decided to go by car. And, then she popped the question: "Would you like to come too?"
I said I couldn't, because the idea just seemed to ludicrous to me.
I was in the middle of ironing a shirt for MM who was going to a friend's wedding, so my mom and I didn't talk for long. After I had hung up, I told MM what my mom had said.

MM: "You should go."
Me: "What? No way. And you wouldn't mind?"
MM: "Of course not. I want you to go. It'll be an awesome trip. You keep going on about how you want to go to Amsterdam again, and you and I can't go at least until September. Now's your opportunity to go see your brother."

Well, who knew Dangrdafne would play such an important part in my life, because it's her post about regret that made me change my mind. I had been waiting for a spur of the moment decision like this my entire life. Granted, while I never thought it would involve my parents, this was a too good of an opportunity to miss. We're leaving on Tuesday morning, and it'll take us two days to go through Hungary (yay Budapest), Austria and Germany in order to reach the Netherlands. Just thinking about this trip makes me all giggly.

After deciding I will go to Amsterdam, I also decided to tag along with MM for the day. Boy am I glad I went to that wedding, because I really had a fun time. I got so insanely drunk that on the way home I sang Come What May from the top of my lungs. But I wasn't too hammered to check my email and then go to sleep one very happy woman. Chapter 11 of The Canvas had more reviews than any other chapter I had uploaded, and they all begged me to update soon. If you've read it, you know why.

3. If you've signed up to get that free single from Billy Burke, you probably got an email sometime today. Here's what I wrote to Billy on his website:

Hey there Billy,

I’m gonna skip all that about how awesome I think you are, because that goes without saying, and head on straight to commenting on your single.

First off, it’s one of those songs whose true beauty is hidden, and every time you play it, you uncover a little something that you hadn’t noticed before. These always turn out to be my favourite songs, because I never tire of listening to them.

Second, the accordion is an absolute hit. It sets the mood perfectly, especially against your husky voice (had no idea you could sing that well). Listening to “Removed”, I am transported to a lovely, lazy spring/summer day. I can see myself sitting on grass, by a river, with breeze playing with my hair, and sunshine painting a smile on my face. Thank you for providing this image for me. I am honestly, extremely looking forward to your album coming out. No bullshit here. We absolutely need more Tom Waits/Bob Dylan/Kurt Cobain in this world.

P.S. I don’t think anyone will ever, EVER use yours and David Hasselhoff’s name in the same sentence. Thank god!

All the best to you from across the pond. Just thought maybe you’d like to know you have fans as far as Serbia. Cheers, Billy.

Jelena

And cheers to you too. I will try to update as much as I can from Amsterdam. Also, don't worry, this trip won't affect my promise to send chapter 12 to Dani in a matter of days.

Laters, babes.

Jelena

Lady Gaga warmed the cushions for Rob

2010-04-16T17:22:00.002+02:00

Major wowser for me. Perhaps you've all seen this before, but I haven't, and don't remember hearing anything about it in the blogosphere.
I don't have cable, so I don't watch music videos. For some time now I've been wanting to see some of Lady Gaga's videos, but I kept forgetting. It wasn't until Mrs.P. from TwiBite mentioned over at Edbrella's Friday Fun Five that she can't kick Bad Romance out of her head, that I went youtubing for Gaga's videos.

And, I fucking fell on my curvy ass when I clicked play on Paparazzi. Did you ever watch it? If you hadn't, do. It'll all make sense in the first 30 seconds.

Just to give you an idea of what I'm talking about... Remember this photoshoot (course you do):

I hadn't realized the blond chick was Lady Gaga.

Well, not really...

Those of you Gaga haters coughMarycough, will probably cringe at the thought that the video came out first. You can only hope the cleaning service did a thorough job before Rob sat in that chair. Although, it seems that they've changed the upholstery (and the bathroom tiles) for the photo shoot, so you can breathe a sigh of relief.

Oh, and Honolulu Girl, from True Blood Twilight, if you haven't, be sure to watch this video. I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised.

So, did you know about this? Do you even care? Are you like me, psyched for some inexplicable reason, or do you think this post only confirms I'm certifiable?

And, those of you who claimed Lady Gaga was a cunt, please, explain. I would love to know why. I hated Gaga at the beginning, but now, I think she's totally awesome, even though I don't enjoy all of her music, I love her uniqueness and avangardness. She's too creative to be fake, know what I'm sayin'?

*JELENA*

P.S. Welcome to my (and most of yours) first male follower - the one and only Mr.Pantz, and a very special welcome to follower # 50 - Jayla.

P.P.S. If there are any of you out there who haven't visited either of the blogs I mentioned, you must. You just must.

Peace out hos and bro

Ok, this I fucking know - I want a baby!

2010-04-15T14:45:00.001+02:00

When you live in a small town like this (population circa 30,000), you're bound to constantly run into people you know from somewhere - a bank teller, a clerk, a nurse, your gynecologist (!).

Usually, I would only pass my gynecologist (whom I shall refer to as Doc A) on the street, and we would exchange courtly good mornings. That was bearable, even hilarious at times. But then, that one time, I was standing in the check out line at the supermarket, and noticed a man in front of me buying nothing but beer and some snacks. I thought, who the fuck buys that in the middle of the day, looked up, and wham bham - it was none other than my gyno. Jesus, I felt mortified to be standing in line behind him.

He had already seen me, so it would've been very rude for me to have went to a different lane. I kept my eyes firmly on the ground, while the entire time feeling his fingers poking my lady bits (this was a memory y'all, he didn't feel me up at the supermarket). You gotta understand, this was the man who did my D&C when I had my first miscarriage, the man who was sincerely sorry when I had my second one, the man who went out of his way to do my ultrasound, taking me in his office ahead of everyone else, even though I was the last one there (no appointments here).

It's not that this man knows my body as intimately as my husband that makes me feel embarrassed, but it's that after my second miscarriage, I had decided to go see a specialist - a doctor who deals only with sterility. This woman (Doc B) was nothing short of a miracle-worker. I personally know a few women (who don't know each other) who had their problems found and solved by her, and are now enjoying motherhood. Doc B is also the reason that this little man was able to enrich my first cousin's life:

He could've been my twin when I was his monthage (he was only 11 months old when the pic was taken)

So, now you see why I went to that other, highly acclaimed doctor - not that Doc A was bad, it's just that he was a public doctor, dealing with all sorts of shit, and she had her private practice. True, she's expensive as hell, but it would all be worth it in the end, if I get me one of these cute little creatures.

Anyhow, an ultrasound and some blood work later, she told me she didn't want to start a more invasive examination - that I should just go ahead and get pregnant again, and call her as soon as I find out so that she could give me the proper drugs/hormones which would make the fetus stay in my body. Well, more than a year later, not only am I still sans child, but I haven't been able to get pregnant. What gives? Did Doc B's fears come true - did I create a blockage in my mind? Or is there something physically wrong with me, like Doc A suspects?

Up until today, there was no doubt in my mind that if I'm not pregnant by the end of this month, I will go back to Doc B, knowing full well that we would now have to step in the invasive territory.

So, what happened today you ask? Well, I went to the exchange office, to do something for work, and while I was sitting there, who else should walk in, but, you guessed it, my gyno, Doc A. I felt completely and utterly mortified, going totally Bella - flushing and chewing my lip.
Instantly, I was transported back to that moment when I had my D&C, just moments before the anesthesia knocked me out. The last thing I remember before passing out is his long finger inside me - that was actually the first time I had a male doctor poke me - all my other doctors before that were female. This memory had haunted me in the beginning, but now makes its appearance only when I run into him.

Back to today. We started talking about currency, and some other such bull, and I kept thinking how I didn't remember the last time I was so uncomfortable. And, then, he dropped the bomb.

Doc A: "Did you go and get that HSG?"

Me - completely stunned, but a bit relieved: "No."

I went off to tell him how about Doc B, and how that was the reason why I felt such discomfort every time I ran into him. Doc A was so fucking cool that he actually said he doesn't mind when a patient goes to see other doctors; that he is not vain.

Then, he went on about that ultrasound -which he did two fucking years ago!- that made him start pushing for HSG. The reality of that first miscarriage was brought a little closer than I really wanted it, but oh well. Here's what he saw (TC, this is for you): when I went for my check up scan, a week after D&C, he had seen two circles, both of which consisted of uterus tissue (ie. two echoes for uterus), separated by darkness - which instantly made him think that perhaps I have a subseptate uterus. Thus, he suggested I do an HSG which would determine whether I have a septum or not.

I had agreed to do it, but in the meantime, went to another male doctor, Doc C. He looked at my uterus, but saw nothing of the sort. He was also patient enough to explain why a scan might have looked like I had a septum - (again for you TC). He said that most probably the part where the embryo planted itself in my uterus expanded and grew faster than the rest of the uterus, which ultimately created a bulge of a sort, looking like a second uterus on a scan. This made perfect sense at the time, but now, not so much. Is this how it works, TC?

In the end, I ended up not doing HSG, not because I didn't want to, but because of external circumstances. I got pregnant. After I had miscarried the second time, like I said, I went to Doc B, and decided to stick with her instruction.

Now, at this moment, I find myself no longer afraid of running into Doc A, but utterly confused. On the one hand I want to do HSG, not only because it would eliminate or prove the existence of a septum, but because it would clear up the tubes as well - which would make getting pregnant a helluva lot easier. Also, I'm currently in a very bad financial situation, so I'm thinking, yeah, I should go do to the public doctor, ie. Doc A. But, on the other hand, I made a plan to stick to Doc B's plan (which might include getting an HSG as well, you know, cause that's usually the next step).

I realize all of this may seem confusing or even dull, but after all, this is a confessional. And if anyone has any advice... well, needless to say, it would be more than welcome, know what I'm sayin' (I'm thinking using this as my sign off, whaddya think?)?

*JELENA*

Late, late, so very, terribly late

2010-04-11T14:24:00.000+02:00

Or something to that effect said the rabbit of Alice in Wonderland.

I'm sure a lot of you biatches noticed I was a bit MIA last week, and I'm pretty sure majority of you knew it was because I had a wretched cold or something, which rendered me completely useless for being online for longer periods of time.
However, what you didn't know was that during my absence, MM and I had decided it was time we quit smoking. Those of you who have been through this, know how hellish it can be. I can't imagine horrors of heroin or alcohol withdrawal. Brrrr!

Anyhow, because we knew we'd both be incredibly snappy, MM and I decided to spend majority of our time isolated in separate rooms. I have been occupying myself writing chapter 11 (which is already shipped to Dani, btw), and he did his own thang. The only time we would meet was for some face humping. Sorry if this is TMI, but I couldn't skip this part. You'll see why when we reach the end of this post.

Today is, I believe day 4 of our smoke free lives, and I'm pretty confident that this time I will succeed in losing this habit.

But this is not why I'm writing. I wanted to share with you the events of Easter. Those of you who are my friends on FB have already seen these photos, but I'm sure you won't mind looking at them again.

I never really understood anyone's Easter tradition but our own. Each year, on good Friday, we boil eggs, and then put them in a special dye. This year was the first time I ever did this on my own - for, even though it sounds quite simple, it requires a lot of work and constant leaning over the stove. Anyhow, I decided to colour the eggs yellow and red (red is the hardest to achieve because majority of these dyes are crap, and you need to put at least the triple of amount of what it says on the instructions written on the bag - ie, if it says you should use one bag for 2 deciliters, you need to use at least three).

The next thing I did (and this created the majority of confusion for those of you who saw the photos on FB) is the pattern. For the record, I didn't draw it myself. I bought foils on the market. I wrapped each foil around the already boiled, already dyed egg, submerged the egg in hot water, and voila, got this result (mind you, majority of the foils you can buy are shitty, so my eggs were a total hit, and everyone kept asking me where I got them):

On Easter Sunday, we already have a tradition of going to a nearby mountain where my in laws have a cottage.Well, it's not really a cottage - it's an old house in which my MIL's father and his family grew up. I'm fucking serious. And there ain't no running water or electricity there, so it's real wilderness. MM and I go there sometimes, stay overnight, sipping beer by the bonfire, looking at stars.

Okay, back to Easter. First, we have a breakfast there, and here's where the eggs play their part. We each try to break each others egg, like this:

Photo taken from here.

I don't have an actual photo of us doing this, so I had to hunt for the appropriate image on the web.

Then, afterwards, we go for a walk.

But, first, I give you this photo of me brewing coffee on camping gas gear. MM, standing in the cellar, took this photo.

Now, the walk.

The kissing trees

While some of us are strolling through the wilderness, here's what the rest of the tribe is doing:

This photo was taken on Easter two years ago.

And, that's eat. We eat, drink, then go home in the evening, sunburned and tipsy, complaining about how we ate too much. Oh, the thing roasting is a lamb - and I fucking hate eating lamb, so they make chicken for me, and other pussies in the family who are not fan of roast. Btw, here's another TMI - my FIL buys the lamb the day before and then slaughters it himself.

I've missed you all during my absence, and I have honest to Edward (there's no point in saying 'god' when I don't believe in him) thought of each and every one of you, but I just couldn't pull myself out of bed - which where I spent hours and hours writing chapter 11. Yeah, I didn't go to work either.

So, here's something that got me thinking.

Why is it that I'm in constant mood for sex when I'm off work for a few days? I've noticed this before, you know. Have you?

Somehow, this makes the housewife calling much more appealing, don't you agree?

Ah,

It's good to be back bitches.

*Jelena*

Pissed again!!

2010-03-31T14:15:00.001+02:00

Today I find myself in that familiar pissy mood. And I don't meant pissed, as in drunk, but pissed as in I want to gauge someone's eyes out... with my teeth.

Hm, perhaps I should go to the dentist more often if I plan on advertising my teeth as my weapon of choice

I've been thinking about something since yesterday. As usual, I decided to check out a blog recommended by STY, especially because this blog criticizes the Writing Style in Twilight.

In a very entertaining manner, the author, Linda, and her friend dissect SM's writing technique, which we all know is ~~shitty~~ not so brilliant. Hell, I don't think anyone in the fandom is about to dispute this. Going through the comments, of which there are over 250 btw, was just as amusing. They range from "The Twilight saga is a piece of crap" to "The books are my guilty pleasure. What's wrong with that?"

You mean to tell me there's someone out there who could resist me?

I didn't think so.

When I checked out Linda's profile, that little malevolent person inside me, the one I usually keep shackled and gagged, started begging me to let it speak to you. I had no choice, but to relent.
Sigh.
So here we go.

When the malice in me saw that, in her own words, this Linda person "devotes herself to her nephews, her scruffy friends and perfecting her recipe for iced coffee", it had no option but to say - coughspinstercough. Figures that a person whose high in life is making coffee, wouldn't quite be able to grasp the wonder behind the emotional tension between Edward and Bella.

Perhaps the saga is not as appealing to those who couldn't care less about unadulterated emotions, which, in my opinion, regardless of her skimpy vocabulary, Meyer transmitted beautifully. Yeah, I know it's horrible to make stereotypes like this, but I would really love it if someone would do an actual, scientific poll so we could see for real how high love ranks for Twitards, vs. where it stands on the haters' scale. Seriously, I have devoted my entire life to finding MM, and our love always comes first, no matter what.
Since it's not very likely that this poll will ever be conducted, I would like to know how your list of priorities compares to mine, so I could at least have some sense of whether I'm on the right track.

Oh, and while we're on the subject of SM's writing style, my pissedoffmeter went through the roof when this morning I woke up to learn that the cunt will publish some short novella shit centered around that newborn Bree. I find it fucking miraculous that I can even remember who Bree is, but lemme tell ya straight away: I don't give a flying fuck about her, about what Victoria did in Seattle, and about how Riley got recruited! For fuck's sake, I even skipped those parts when Jasper talks about his past. Yeah, I did! I just couldn't stand the way he talked, and who said what to him. BOOOOORING!!!

If you're wondering why I'm filled with murderous rage... well I want to rip Stephenie's throat out for not finishing Midnight Sun instead. I could totally live with her writing Host and other such shit, but like Snarcastic M of Our Life On NO List says, SM did say she wanted to take a break from vampires. Oh yeah, this doesn't sound like a fucking break to me, you fucking whore! (just so we're clear, I'm addressing Stephenie Meyer here, not Snarcastic M, LoL)
I don't give a shit if you give it to us for free... okay, I guess it's alright if you give the money to charity, but my point is: WE FUCKING WANT EDWARD AND BELLA!!!

No one fucking gives a shit about Bree! Do they? Do you?

*Jelena*

The Big Day

2010-03-29T17:39:00.001+02:00

The big 3 0 has arrived, and it feels so much better than I thought it would. I had been feeling very anxious about this number, for years now, but now that it's here, I feel more feminine and mature, like a ripe apple, or something along those lines. Maybe the fact that I've heard that women achieve best orgasms in their thirties has something to do with this.

My bday bash on Saturday was wonderful. I got some pretty awesome gifts, even though none of them were Twilight related.

But before I give you a glimpse of what it was like, let me take you down a (very short) memory lane.

This is me and my brother (I'm the one on left, LoL). I've no idea how old I am in this picture.

Obviously, this is my tenth birthday. Look, Wease, I too had a Barbie cake.

This was taken a month or so before my 20th bday. Shortly after that I had dreadlocks. This is my closest friend from Ottawa, with whom I smoked incredulous amounts and had numerous philosophical conversations.

By my 23rd birthday I had already been with MM for two years, half of which we spent apart. This was my last bday in Canada. That's my uncle in the background.

My 24th birthday. If you're wondering what's that on my face, well, I had MM draw on my face, LoL

Still 24, only 6 months later. Hard to believe, eh?

I have very few photos from when I was 25 because that was one of the worst years of my life.

At 26, things were starting to pick up, and MM and I decided to get married.

At 27.

And here I am now.

But first, let me introduce the guests of honour. It's funny, when my dad saw the dolls, he asked "Who made Marko (my husband) and Jelena?" LoL

My New Moon screening buddy.

They made quite an impression, our Edward and Bella.

And finally, here's yours truly at age 30, with appropriate, come and get me, drunken stance.

Laters, hos!

Mwah

*JELENA*

More sweet dreams means the infection is spreading

2010-03-25T11:33:00.002+01:00

Just as I think I am coming out of the craziness that was the inspiration behind the previous post, my subconscious decides to play a trick on me by giving me one of the craziest dream in a while.

I'm pretty sure no one yet hit the double jackpot like I did last night.

So, what was so whacko?

Well, in my dream, Richard (aka Dick), Kellan and, get this, Rob (!) come to Serbia to visit me. They stay at my house.
I am going to give you a moment while this thought fully sinks in with you.

Him,

And him.

Together!

Okay, are we ready to go on? Good.
Throughout the entire dream I am utterly confused, trying to grasp the situation, so I hardly speak at all. Richard gives me a beautiful letter, and is very buddy-buddy with me, persuading me to go on a trip with him, his girlfriend and Kellan. He also brought me another me another Kellan headshot, but I don't have a chance to open it.

At first, Kellan and Rob stand aside. I don't even notice Rob, and I feel like a shy teen peering at Kellan. I see something on the floor, and bend to get it, and hear Kellan and Rob snickering from behind me,. I realize that in all the mayhem I accidentally put a pair of old jeans that are ripped straight across the bottom. I'm not sure whether to be flattered or offended when I realize that K&R threw that object on purpose just so they could see my buttocks.

Soon after, Rob disappears somewhere, and I don't care. I'm just happy Kellan is still with me. It's like I feel hypnotized, hovering around him like his personal satellite. And, he doesn't mind. I keep thinking about all the photos I'm going to have of Kellan and me, and how, like Red Bella, I'm finally going to touch his abs.

Even though the dream seemed to last very long, this was all I got. I also had another dream afterwards in which my brother told me a joke, and I woke myself up when I started laughing for real. This is not the first time I laughed out loud while dreaming. I love that.

Insanity continues.

Just a little FYI:
It's my 30th birthday on Monday, but I'm celebrating it on Saturday. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get any Twilight related gifts, but nonetheless, I am soooo looking forward to pressies. I love 'em.
In the meantime, I am trying to finish chapter 10, which is the reason why I haven't been online as much. Ideally, I want it to be shipped off The Wease before I go to bed tonight.

In the mean time, I just wanted to let you all know that I hear all of you, and I thank you for sharing your worlds with me.
Mwah.

For various different reasons, obviously.

*JELENA*

Lutzaholic Anonymous

2010-03-18T14:15:00.001+01:00

Ok, remember that "I'm ruined" post? Well, now I'm seriously screwed. Fucked. Whipped! And, unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Kellan Lutz. I know, big shocker. Not!

The word seems to have spread over fandom.

First, TooMuchCoffee, author of Too Much Coffee blog, dedicates a post to me on Kellan's birthday.

Then, Paper Bell sends me this video via Twitter.

Then, my heart starts palpitating, my skin is burning and I need a cigarette.

So, instead of leaving it alone, I decide to google Kellan - I really only did that once or twice thus far - and land on his fan page. I skim through it, stop by the chatbox, and this is what I read (posted by someone named Javonni):

"I can't wait to see Eclipse. At the convention in LA I took pictures of Kellan and Peter they were so sweet when I met them and got autographs and photo ops with them. At the photo ops my necklace got caught to Kellan's suit when I gave him a hug. I was so embarrassed lol, but he said em we're stuck together, maybe we should be together. I will never forget that day."

Really? Neither would I. I would've said "Maybe." I would've stalled, entangling my necklace even more, while pretending to do the opposite. I would've inhaled his breath, subtly rubbing my pheromones all over his body. I'm the queen of flirt, and I'm pretty sure that before the day was over we would've engaged in some (in)appropriate activity.

Seriously, I'm not kidding about any of this. I just thank god that I currently cannot afford to fly all the way to LA, because my summer would've been planned already. My aunt, who adores me (because I remind her of herself), lives in LA. She'd be more than happy if I visited. You bet your sweet little arses that I would've arranged a meeting with Dick and Kellan. I'm sure Lutz would be more than impressed that I flew across the world to meet him, and would provide me with an opportunity to charm him.

I need to stop this fantasy right here, or I will just have to shoot myself in the head - not sure if the reason would be my inability to meet Kellan, or the fact that I'm behaving like a horny teenager.

So, what now, I ask you? I'm afraid that this thing will pull me away from all you Rob loving hos. Just look at this blog; look at it. It's a disgrace I tell you! I never used to fall for the jock type, but the fast approaching fourth decade of my life may just have that in store for me.
Also, like I said to Nibbles, the fact that Rob is unattainable, while Kellan seems to be at arm's reach will be the death of me. I mean, he took the time to fill in the heart for crap's sake!!! And, he is only 5 years younger than me, and if you've read The Great Penis Debate, you know that I've shagged boys his age.

I love nerdy Kellan

I am fanning looking at playful Kellan

I am panting looking at sporty Mr. Erected Nipples Kellan

Baaaah! Drool!

Holy shit!!! Speechless

Thud! I.Am.Died.

After all I've said you should think I would've responded to Dick and Kellan by now. But nope. Not I. I've no idea what to send them, and I want to send them something in addition to the letter/card. What do you give a man who can have anything? The man who's a celebrity? Who you have an unhealthy crush on? Wet dreams about?

Any ideas would be helpful.

Or should I just spare myself the misery and invest in a straight jacket?

Jelena Lutzaholic

The Woman Who Got Rob's Autograph

2010-03-11T10:30:00.003+01:00

*The Power of Rob is Far Reaching*

I follow a lot of Twilight fans on Twitter, and they follow me back. A couple of days ago, one of them tweeted a picture she took of Rob in NYC outside the Today Show, and I totally flipped out. Although she and I follow one another, we never communicated, until that moment. I asked her if she would be interesting in writing down her experience for all of you to read, and of course, she was more than happy to. Remember how I hyped I was to get that Kellan autograph? I still relive that. Can you imagine the joy she gets from revisiting the events of last week?

Her name on Twitter is @miraclebabe1, aka Kim. She lives in Nova Scotia, is married and has an 11 year old daughter. She got sucked into this whole Twilight obsession unexpectedly, and unprepared, just like the rest of us. Her husband thinks she regressed many years (sounds familiar?), but her daughter's friends think she's soooo cool. She spends a lot of time on Twitter where she met her Twitter bestie - Darlene, who lives in Toronto. The two of them met in person last week, when they flew together to NYC, along with Kim's daughter. They were one of the lucky ones who got to see Rob and get his autograph. This is Kim's story.

"My daughter's school trip to NYC to be a student delegate to the United Nations was dated over a year ago. Obviously, the anal retentive mom that I am, I was not about to let her trot off to NYC without her mother. So, it was booked a while ago, and then by pure coincidence, about 5 weeks back, I read that the premiere of 'Remember Me' was to be in NYC on March 1. Well, damn, I almost fainted. Then all kinds of appearances for Rob popped up: The View, Jimmy Fallon, Jon Stewart, etc. I figured it had to be fate. I was somehow meant to see Rob. Sure, it's a city of only about 8 million people, but I'd find him somehow lol!! So this is about the time that I said to Darlene: "You have to come with me. This is meant to be, don't you see that? We are meant to meet each other, and we are both meant to see Rob, since it was through him that we initially bonded!!" After some back and forth discussions, and her speaking to her family, she decided to come along. Life is too short to pass on opportunities like this. We set our plan in motion and were very excited!!

My next step was to secure tickets to one of Rob's appearances. Well that shouldn't be too difficult, right? WRONG!! I tried everything. The day that the Jimmy Fallon tickets were released, they were gone within five minutes, before I was even able to get through. I was trying with two phones, while my husband tried from his work. The View - again no luck; Jon Stewart...well you get the picture. Darlene and I even tried sending emails and @replies to Jimmy Fallon every day, and I also sent several messages to The View. These all included a bit of very tactful begging to let us represent that hidden group of 'twi-moms' lol. The last week before the trip, I was very disappointed. I had thought that it was fate, remember? I guess not. :( Darlene and I decided that, regardless, this was our one opportunity to meet each other, and that was what was most important. We'd have a blast no matter what. So Darlene, myself, and my beautiful daughter set out on our journey to 'The Big Apple'. It was all very exciting!!

Before we got there we also found out that Rob was to be on The Today Show on March 1. Unfortunately, we thought this was out of our realm of possibilities as well, since we knew people would line up for hours just to be in a position to get a glimpse. And, in a situation like The Today Show, he may not even come outside especially with hundreds of screaming fans. Besides, it just wasn't probable for me. I had to remember what I was in NYC for. It was for my daughter, for a very important school trip. I certainly couldn't leave her alone in a hotel room in a strange city, while we made our way in the middle of the night to Rockefeller Centre. Could I ? We're grown women so it was silly anyway!! Right? Wrong again!! Little did I know that my daughter's teacher was a HUGE 'closeted' Rob fan. She heard about our dilemma, and offered, no, actually insisted, on letting her have a sleepover with her that night. She wanted to have a bit of vicarious excitement through us I think !! The next morning, as it turned out, was actually the one morning of closed sessions, so I didn't have to be there anyway. Could this possibly work out? My daughter was very cool with the idea, so we decided that sometimes in life you just have to say 'what the fuck' and just go for it. So we did :)

Like two 'stealthy' spies we took to the streets of NYC at 3:00 in the morning. It was quite amusing, certainly unlike anything either of us had ever done in our lives. We giggled all the way like two 15 year olds. It was great!! As we suspected, we weren't the first there, but there were only about twenty or so ahead of us, and we had almost four hours to wait before the show even began!! And damn was it cold!! It didn't matter though. At this point we were determined to at least try. So here we are lined up on 48th street in NYC at 3:30 in the morning lol. We fought the cold and our urges to go pee!! There was no frigging way after all this, we'd give any of these other people a chance to take our earned place in line. We actually had a lot of fun and met many nice people, a lot of them also 30 - 40 ish like ourselves. The power of Rob is far reaching. There were those who had driven for hours to be there. Many of us bonded, it was very cool :)

So the time came for the show to begin. We saw Meredith, Al and Matt, also very cool. Each time they mentioned Rob's name, the audience would explode into screams. Then finally, at about the halfway point, everyone began screaming and pointing. While Matt and Meredith were actually interviewing two other guests outside, Rob walked into the entrance way in clear view of all of us. We saw him holding his water bottle and we screamed! We saw him put his hand through his hair and we screamed louder! Then it happened, he walked out the doors!! The crowd erupted! He signed a few autographs on the opposite side to us and then had to go back inside. I don't know if that was because he had to prepare for his interview with Matt, or if it was because people screamed so loud that no one could hear the interview with the other guests. He promised he'd return though. We crossed our fingers, because he hadn't been near our side yet.

We all watched his interview with Matt on the outside screens, and hoped beyond hope, that we'd once again get our chance to see him up close. It didn't look good though. The show was over, and Rob is known for his quick getaways. But then it happened! Again we saw him coming through the doors. OMFG, there he was again, in the flesh. This time he stayed on the opposite side only briefly before heading our way. He was walking toward us, and seemed to be looking directly at us, or should I say through us lol. It was quite surreal. I was shaking holding the camera, trying to take as many pictures as possible, and I somehow managed to put my book forward for him to sign, and he did. As you can see from that pic, he must abbreviate his signatures when he's doing many, as quickly as possible. But I certainly didn't care. I got great pictures and an autograph, and there were many disappointed fans who got neither. It was truly an amazing experience, and one that I certainly won't forget soon. In fact, I am finding it very difficult, even after a week, to get back to reality and back into the swing of my life. But I know that's what Rob would want me to do LOL!

I know this is very long, but I get so enthused talking about this experience that I'm reliving it while typing, so I do apologize. But I must add one more note. I truly realize how lucky Darlene and I were to have had this experience. We spoke to many people who live in the NYC area who have often tried to get a glimpse of Rob with no luck. We not only had this experience at 'The Today Show', but we were also lucky enough to see him leaving 'The View', and got a great picture the next day too. He is very sought after, and seems to almost be 'hunted' endlessly. In many ways I feel truly bad for him. I realized this when I saw the frenzy of fans, as well as paparazzi trying to just get one shot of him after 'The View'. So we all have to realize that he is a person, and we do not own him, and must respect his privacy and space. Saying this, he obviously loves his fans, and whenever possible is willing to go that extra step to make them happy. "

What an amazing story, isn't it? It's so inspirational. I just can't stop getting surprised by the strength and beauty of our fandom. We are so lucky, so very, very lucky. Ok, I'm gonna let you look at Kim's photos now. Enjoy - I know you will. You already know by now that you should click on the photo if you want to see the larger version.

*JELENA*

A Dream Come True

2010-03-10T13:17:00.003+01:00

As you may or may not know, my Edward and Bella dolls have arrived, thanks to wonderful Stan from Edbrella. I had the dolls delivered to her because Amazon.uk doesn't deliver to Serbia, and then she mailed them, along with a little present. She packed a Rob calendar too. I didn't take a photo of it, because I'm hiding it from MM.

I've never seen a photo of Rob in person, so to speak; all the photos of Rob were virtual. I felt so excited to actually hold one in my hands, and as I did, I thought to myself - This is it. Now, there's no going back. You've entered a new dimension in this fandom business, Jelena.

When I brought the dolls home, I took them out of my purse yelling "They're heeere" and waving them in front of MM's face. He actually smiled and started inspecting them.

Me: "I didn't realize when I ordered them that Edward's sunglasses don't come off."

MM: "They don't do a very good job with eyes anyway. It's better that he has sunglasses on."

I looked at him all surprised, because I knew he meant it - that he actually appreciated them, and was very careful not to say one bad word about them.
Without further ado, I give you, Edward and Bella. FYI, I didn't put them in this position, and since I only live with one other person, you do the math.

When I left this morning, Edward and Bella were still standing like this on our coffee table. I forgot to take a photo from the other angle as well. You should see how MM put Bella's arm around Edward's waist.

I put them in THIS position, LoL. Yes, the back of my dining room chairs have a heart cutout.

Speaking of dreams (look at the title of this post), I had the most amazing dream last night. In it, I had sex with Kellan. Yes, you read that right. I don't remember how we got there, but he was on top of me, going really slowly, devouring me from the inside. He was completely naked, propped on his arms, with his splendid abs and shoulders on display for me. It felt like this was the result of him pursuing me, instead of the other way around.
Earlier today Mrs.P. told me that to dream about having sex with a celebrity is a desire to be successful, or just a fantasy playing out. I think it's a little bit of both (I blame that CK video for the fantasy part). Sadly, I didn't get to experience an orgasm because we were interrupted by someone - can't remember who.

From this point on, the dream took a really twisted turn. Kellan suddenly turned into one of my friends (a guy), and I was confronted by MM who said "Either me or him". So, I chose MM, but when I ran into Kellan/my friend (he was kinda a mix), I realized I couldn't live without him, so I changed my mind. MM was so upset that he didn't speak a word to me before he left. As I watched him go, I felt my chest constrict like I couldn't breathe. Yep, indecisiveness is my middle name. So, what do you make of this, Mrs.P.?
It was such a lovely dream, and then it turned into a nightmare. I should also say that I've never dreamed about having sex with a celebrity before. Ever!

But I'm gonna keep reliving being under Kellan. It felt like making love, not sex. Oh, and, girls, I have a bloody confession: in case you didn't realize by now, I think I'm really starting to fall for this KLutz dude. *Sighs a faint* - Help

Imagine this body on top of you. Yeah, that's how I felt when I woke up.

I just can't get enough of this photo shoot.

*JELENA*

Love and/or Hate

2010-03-09T13:13:00.007+01:00

This lack of inspiration is killing me. My undiagnosed ADD is seriously kicking my ass. I can't even read MOTU - yeah, it's that bad. I fucking need spring!!

So, during this motivational drought, I have been chatting, tweeting and PMing with some of you, getting to know all of you better. It occurred to me that majority of us were surprised by our addiction to this whole Twilight mess. This time last year I had only been vaguely familiar that there was a vampire movie I wanted to see. It kept calling to me, like Bella's scent to Edward.

Hero / Heroine by vale<3 on Polyvore.com

But, even when I did see it, I still wasn't hooked. In the five months in between my seeing and reading Twilight, I was surrounded by the talk of it, stills from New Moon - in particularly the bare chested Edward in Volterra - and I was still like: has the world gone mad? I was lying on a beach in Greece, and these two Greek girls came to sit under an umbrella next to mine. They kept chattering, but one of them had New Moon in her hands. I rolled my eyes (hidden under my shades), and was like: Not here as well. Now, I keep thinking how the fuck could she gossip and yadda yadda with her girlfriend, when Bella was in serious danger of hooking up with that dog. But back then I had the KStew Red Carpet attitude.

Well, okay, she's actually quite cute here, but you know what I mean.

Speaking of KStew's attitude, Mrs.P. analyzes it today, and, IMO, she nails it.

Yes, I was a hater. If you scroll through my archives, and see the very first post I ever made on this blog, you will notice that I didn't get all the hype even after I had read the books. Never, in a million years did I think I would be in possession of a miniE. Oh god, it just hit me: I have a miniE! Squee! (pictures coming tomorrow)

And, the best thing is that I don't feel bad at all about hating Twilight fans; I laugh at it now. It was a lesson in life - to never judge a book by its cover (see how clever I am. NOT. I am just so uninventive these days it's painful). Jesus, the list of stuff I learned thanks to this teenage love seems to be a neverending one.

One of the reasons why I have the hots for the saga is probably its forbidden fruit factor - not the Edward Cullen vampire fruit, but "you're not supposed to love it, it's pathetic teenage crap, and that sorta thing".

So, were you a hater before you became a lover - thinking that Twilight fans were, to put it mildly, freaks? Or do you never form strong opinions before you actually understand both sides of the fence?

P.S. I just saw this video posted over at Confessions of a TwiCrack Addict, and had to share it with you hos. Warning, you may find yourself moaning out loud, dry humping the chair or even having a pair of erect nipples. Just sayin'.

*JELENA*

I'm ruined

2010-03-04T12:12:00.001+01:00

Well, no, not really. But my taste in books is definitely screwed.

This is what I found when I googled "ruined" images

I finally picked up a copy of "The Time Traveler's Wife". It started really well, the author even used the word "cock", but then, I got bored. Mind you, I've only read something like 60 pages, so I've got a long way to go, but I'm still waiting for excitement and thrill to take a hold of me.

And, you know why it hasn't happened yet?

Not because there are too many dull descriptions for my ADD self.

Not because there's no anticipation yet - for fuck's sake you already know what's going to happen in the middle of the first chapter.

Not because I'm a little put off by the whole going back in time thing to meet your wife when she was 6. Yuck. If you thought imprinting on newborns was bad, wait till you get a hold of this book / movie (which I haven't seen yet, btw), and that chapter / scene when 36 year old Henry and 12 year old Clare talk about marriage. Pedophilia anyone?

Nope, none of these are to blame.
Yep, you guessed it: it's because it's not smut. I may've been still hoping that the story would take that turn, but after Audrey (her last name is hell to type) cock-blocked the first sexual encounter between these two characters, I highly doubt this will ever turn to porn.

So, long story short, I was lying in bed last night, wondering whether it's just this particular book that I dislike*, or if I am not going to be able to read anything that doesn't light my skin on fire making me dry hump the chair.

* - It can still happen, btw. I can still love this book; after all, I've gotta give that Audrey chick a little more credit, right?

**JELENA**

P.S. Just in case you're wondering, the only other book I read recently was one by a Japanese writer, Ryu Murakami. While it wasn't smut either, it was filled with sex and violence, so I actually found it interesting.

Departures make for a sweeter reunion

2010-03-03T11:08:00.003+01:00

First, I want to thank all of you who read and commented on my post from the other day. I cherish every word that you wrote, every advice, and more than anything, I relish the fact that you've opened up to me in return as well.

I just want to say that there is no need to worry. It was just one of those days, and I want to share with you both the good and the bad. Like I was saying to E, no one's life is perfect. Sometimes, there comes that day when you are more vulnerable than you should be, and things that never really bothered you before, start weighing you down. Thankfully, this is not a constant state of affairs, but just a temporary, passing phase. In time, I will probably provide you with enough pieces of my life for you to be able to put the whole puzzle together, and then you will know that you really needn't worry about me.

Anyhow, today I saw a wonderful post on So Twired. Jen was discussing her past reluctance to see Remember Me. You should go read it for yourself. She also posted photos of Kristen and Rob going their separate ways at JFK. Apparently, Kristen was wearing Rob's shirt, and after closer inspection, I deduced that yes, indeed she was.

But I didn't feel the hype and the squeee, not because I don't give a crapsten, but because my heart broke at the images on my screen. I have experienced airport goodbyes too many times not to instantly recognize heart wrenching pain when I see it. During that time while I was living in Ottawa, MM and I have been in a long distance relationship, and every time I left back for Canada, my heart broke.

I would never cry, even though my lungs were burning, and my soul was screaming;

I would try to keep a smile on, encouraging both myself and MM, as I fought the tears;

After passing through the gate, I would chew the inside of my cheeks, frowning as I struggled to breathe;

But in the end, I would be entirely consumed by the fire which would leave me wounded and exposed. I would hang my head in attempt to avoid all human contact, because even the touch of the slightest feather on my skin would feel like ten thousand needles.

Now, before you all go weepy on me, let me tell you - I don't regret one single second of those moments. Going through such pain and surviving has made me tougher and more resiliant. Therefore, look at today's confession as my way of telling you not to worry about my wellbeing. Words of understanding and encouragement are always welcome, but there's no room for worry. I see my ability to break and the will to admit to it, as my strength, not a weakness.

Now, enough of this sentimentality, especially, when I'm in fact mad. Yes, I'm mad. At paparazzi. Or whoever it was taking these photos. In addition to dealing with saying goodbye to her love, Kristen had to face this intrusive photographer. What an asshole.

Now, you can evaluate for yourself whether in fact she is wearing Rob's shirt or not. Btw, I've no idea why the picture on the far right is included in this comparison, when it's obvious that it has nothing to do with this shirt business whatsover.

*JELENA*

All the photos in this post were taken from Twifans

Dear diary, I'm all over the place

2010-03-01T13:54:00.002+01:00

Hello everyone!

This was one hectic weekend, filled with emotional highs and lows. You already know that I had been feeling rather gloomy all Saturday, that is until Kellan's autograph arrived. In case you're wondering, I did tell MM about it, and he rolled his eyes at me. It surprised me that he expressed no desire to see it - but maybe it's all for the better. Yesterday, however, I told him that even though he doesn't get this stuff, it makes ME happy, and he smiled and tickled me, which was his way of accepting and understanding my new quirks.

Emotionally speaking, things got worse for me on Sunday, though. It was a beautiful day outside and I really wanted to spend it outdoors, as opposed to being glued to the computer. MM had already made plans to go see his parents, and I certainly had no desire to waste my day looking at MonsterInLaw. So, I had no other option but to go for a walk by myself. I put my headphones, and went straight to the river. The more I walked the more I felt like crying. The experience awfully reminded me of the time my family (parents+brother) were living in Ottawa. While I did know a lot of people, I had no real close friends, and I often wandered the parks with my brother, or alone. But here I was, back in my homeland, more alone than ever.

I don't live in my hometown. My parents, all of my family, my two BFF, and practically everyone I know and care about are in a city (the capital) two hours away. While it was my choice to move here, I kept wondering yesterday why no one at least tried to talk me out of it. The reason I decided to move to MM's hometown is because I had been severely depressed and anxious, and needed peace and quiet. I think no one realized at the time just how messed up I was, or they would've told me that you shouldn't make big decisions when you're feeling depressed and all. While it's true that I've recovered, and am happier than ever, I still cannot not question whether I truly belong here.

This was my song once upon a time, and I don't ever again want to identify myself with it, but yesterday, I did

I look at my brother, who lives in Amsterdam now, who is three years younger than me, doing his doctoral thesis in physics, and see the fulfillment he reached in his life. He has already traveled half the world via the institute where he works. I, on the other hand, had decided to come back to Serbia after getting a degree in Film Studies, because I wanted to be with MM. I don't ever regret that, but I maybe, MAYBE question moving to this small town, which definitely has its advantages, but it has huge flaws too - like, there's not even a bloody movie theatre! The town is dying, and there aren't really that many job opportunities either, which is why I work for a construction company my in-laws own. Couldn't be further from how I imagined my life to be. The good news, however is that I get to spend a lot of time online, which is where I met all of you wonderful women. I love the community we've created here, and I ask you to not be afraid to comment on my blog or to contact me via email, via twitter, however you want. I am grateful whenever you do. Never apologize for ranting in the comments, because

Also, I use this time while I'm at work to update my blog and my fan fiction.Would it be freakish if I said that Twilight gives me hope? It helped me realize that I shouldn't give up on my dream to be a writer. After all, it's my first love. I hadn't been serious about this writing business until it dawned on me that I should do it in English. One can't really survive on writing in Serbian. I started my fan fiction in order to practice, and it thrills me beyond words that people are actually reading and reviewing it.

I'm one of those people who gets easily discouraged and bored. So I need these ridiculous reminders, like the books, the blogs, Kellan's autograph, E&B dolls to keep me motivated. It's like I'm milking Twilight for all it's worth, and, yes, it may be pathetic in some people's eyes, but I am actually quite proud of myself for being aware that this is one the biggest reasons behind my Twi-obsession.

Speaking of book addictions, there is a new blog out there called Bewitched Bookworms, where you can discuss all books, not just the Twilight saga. They are currently holding a contest that can win you a signed copy of Beautiful Creatures. So head on over to enter, or just to check them out. You can also find the link to the contest on the left sidebar of my blog.

Here's to emotional instability, books and motivation

Jelena

Kellan sent me a personal autograph

2010-02-27T20:24:00.002+01:00

Well, okay, his assistant did. But Kellan made the effort to autograph it, and he even spelled my name right. =)

So, even though I feel the other post I made today is really important, and that as many people as possible should see it, because it's about the group of people reporting our stories to ff.net, I just couldn't not share this with you hos as soon as I got my hands on it. Yes, I finally have my paws on the headshot Kellan Lutz autographed for me. SQUEEEEE is an understatement, for which those of you who were on Twitter when I got it can vouch.

So here, it is. I knew it'd be awesome, I just didn't realize it'd be this beautiful.Click the pic for larger view.

I seriously started shaking when I read the "I heart U" part. I've got to keep this away from MM. Right?
Now, I'm just not quite sure what it says over there "Thanks for an...", if someone can decipher it for me, I'd be more than grateful.

If you're wondering why it's crooked it's because I didn't have a scanner, but had to take a photo. You should've seen me carry it, like it was the most breakable piece of the most expensive crystal ever.

There was a note from Richard aka Dick too. It says: "I hope you dig the autograph. Come see us in Hollywood!" Um, Richard, I might just take you up on that offer. So there you have it hos. I just might actually get that chance to take a peek at Kellan getting out of the shower (no hairs in the envelope, I checked)!

You've no idea how many typos I've made while typing this up. For those of you who don't know who Dick is, and know nothing of infamous operation KLone, go here.

Jelena

Decisions, shitheads and mood killers!

2010-02-27T13:49:00.003+01:00

Today I woke up telling myself that I would finally continue writing The Canvas. Edward and Bella in my head are getting seriously impatient, waiting for me to let them finally release some of that sexual tension. But my morning ritual screwed both me and them.

I checked my blog roll, and I saw that on The Twilight Awards they're talking about some email that supposedly comes from fanfiction administrator, but is in all likelihood a hoax. From there I took a train to angstgoddess003's Live Journal, author of Wide Awake, who has received this email from someone who calls himself James. Supposedly, this person writes to fan fic authors telling them to change the content of their story or it will be removed. This we already knew. As if it wasn't enough that ff.net was removing stories, but now we have to worry about their administrative account being hacked. Boo ff.net!

Then, I started reading comments on angstgoddess' journal, and wham bham, someone actually has discovered this pathetic group of assholes (please pardon my French) who are the ones reporting stories to fan fiction administrators. So I hopped the ride to their forum on fan fiction. I really couldn't be bothered to read everything there, but I've read enough to be completely baffled by their motifs. The language they use amongst themselves on the forum is just well... shocking. I would've expected anything but to read something like that. There, in a thread titled "meet the sexy bitches"!!! where administrator and moderators are presented, I was only able to get this far before my jaw dropped to the floor.

"Georgasaurus- George is the creator of this forum, and a sexy beast at that. He is also an asshole, a forty year old paedophile, and Raptor Jesus."

Um, what? These people are the ones reporting stories that violate TOS at ff.net? If you're interested to see where they're coming from, check out The Sex Scandal thread. A few fan fic authors/readers confronted them about what they're doing. Really, my initial instinct is to throw Mrs.P. in there, sit back and watch her devour them all.

I'm also itching to give them a taste of their own medicine by reporting their stories, but of course, we all know I'm not cunt enough to do that and sink to their level.

All this is very pathetic in my mind, and it's making me depressed and is killing my mood for writing. My story is on Twilighted, but consider this: on ff.net I have 69 reviews; on Twilighted I have 16.
I've also tried numerous times to register to their forum, but even with the help of my wonderful Twilighted beta, and the site administrator, I wasn't able to get in. I never receive the activation email for my account. So that sucks majorly.

I've decided however: I'm going to go peel an orange, eat a kiwi, and then come back to the computer, open my text editor and finally give Edward and Bella a chance to explore some new sexual grounds. I don't care what these fuckers say or do. I won't let them win. I write this for my own pleasure, first and foremost, as do all of you. Perhaps the best idea is to set up a blog just for this story in addition to moving it somewhere else, like that Writers Coffee Shop in order to generate as much traffic as possible for the story.

Enjoy your Saturday!

Still haven't changed my name. Am thinking about it.

I have a very important question for you!

2010-02-26T12:46:00.003+01:00

Well, actually I have five of them over at Twi-sted Edbrella.

It's Friday Five Fun (FFF), and Starlit Violets picked me as the winner. If you've never participated in it, go now. It's really easy, you just answer the questions in the comments. Today's questions were composed by yours truly, and trust me, they're juicy. I can't help it, I've always been obsessed with sex. It's always been my favourite topic of conversation.

source

But, there's something I really wanted to consult you about. I'm considering changing my name from Jelena @ Twiholic to simple Jelly Baby. This is the nickname I got from Nibbles - y'all know our infamous, stricken by verbal diarrhea, the one and only NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet. After typing up her name, it kinda seems silly for me to say that the current spelling of my name is giving some people trouble, but it's true. I don't blame them. I want to make it easier for everyone. And, lord only knows how you all pronounce it in your head - you can tell me about it in the comments if you want. The correct pronounciation is the same as Helena, only it's pronounced Yelena.

Anyway, since I recently changed my avatar too, my main concern is that changing my name would be like starting all over. One way to help establish this new/old identity is to sign my old name and blog link at the end of each comment.

So what do you all think? Should I change it? Do you think I'm overthinking this should just do whatever the fuck I want? Or do you not care either way, and think no one will notice anyhow? Don't worry, I won't judge you or get at mad at you even if you tell me I'm a retard for dedicating an entire post to a ridiculous thing like this. I love that we're a diverse bunch of women here, so always feel free to speak up your mind on my blog.

Jelena

Short Cupcakes

2010-02-24T14:48:00.000+01:00

Hi everyone.

I've decided to redecorate around here. I'm still not done, but the changes that will ensue will be more subtle. I thought it was about time spring came to the blogs. I reserve black for winter. I usually get bored with stuff easily, which is why I change my avatars and now blog layout. But I have a feeling I'm going to be stuck on this Twilight thing for a very long time.

This is a short entry, because I want to divert all your attention to Twilightcupcake's post in which she bares her soul and writes about how Twilight changed her marriage.

And then we have TC's personal account of marriage as an ever growing union between two people who love one another

Let the games begin

2010-02-23T09:58:00.006+01:00

Let's forget about being serious for a while, and just have fun. I'm gonna attempt to lure you all out by asking you to play a silly, uncreative game with me. I am a retard when it comes to coming up with fun stuff to do - I seem to only know how to rattle your brains.

But first, lemme say how ecstatic I am to be reading that Rob confirmed he and Kristen are together. Woot, woot!

source

I was on Twitter this morning when @Poptarrts gave us the link for the online edition of the British Sun, the source of the story in which Rob confirms he and Kristen are a couple. Here's the juiciest snippet of the article.

According to Robert the cloak-and-dagger stuff is just to avoid attention.

He said: "It is extremely difficult but we are together, yes. We can't arrive at the same time because of the fans. It goes crazy. This was supposed to be a public appearance as a couple but it's impossible. We are here together and it's a public event but it's not easy.We have to do all this stuff to avoid attention."

Whoohoo! I hope as hell this is true, and not an attempt of one tabloid to sell more copies. Although, my friends from the U.K. tell me it's all over British newspapers, so here's hoping.

On to the game now. The rules are very simple. I'm gonna start by saying one word, which is Twilight related, and you write in the comments the first word that pops to your head. Of course, the word doesn't have to be Twilight related. We're letting our subconscious take over, and that's something we can't control. Okay, let's play, and see where this leads us, shall we? Oh, and copy/paste the word you're responding to.

Fangs

P.S. If we've already played this game somewhere in the blogosphere, like Edbrella maybe, I apologize. My intention is not to plagiarize, I just wanted to give us a stress reliever, and I already said I'm stupidly uncreative when it comes to this stuff.

Playing the Psychologyst

2010-02-22T12:40:00.000+01:00

Okay. Yesterday, a lot of you asked me to be more bitchy from now on. Well, I say, be careful what you wish for, because now I'm going after our very own sanctuary - the blogosphere.

Well, stick a cock in my eye, I was gonna do this bitchy post, but then, like right now, I got an SMS from my mom that made me feel all schoolgirlish and shit. Apparently, an envelope from the U.S. has arrived for me - and I can guess what's in it. Can you? I am so fucking ecstatic, I want to get on the first bus to my hometown and get the envelope. But then, she shite on mood, asking me what's in it? What? Sorry mom, but do I fucking ask you what's in your mail? What the fuck? There she goes, from being such a cool person last week, to making me want to jump out of my skin and scream. If any of you hos ever do this to your children, I swear I'm gonna sneak into your house while you're sleeping and put glue in your hair.

Okay, now that I got that out of my system, I can go back to the post. I'm finally in the mood.

I've been around the blogosphere enough to notice that we are a very diverse bunch here, but sometimes, something happens, and people end up hurt and/or at each others' throats. Why? At first I thought it happens when the sensitive kind and the I don't give a shit kind run into each other. So I tried to analyze these two kinds only to discover that they are the same - both are sensitive. What differs is the outlet for their pain.

Once hurt, one group of bloggers retreat and become slightly depressed, feeling very insecure about themselves - these are the women who seek approval from others; while the other group becomes aggressive and incredible insensitive to their adversaries, so to speak - these are the women who shit on others' success in an attempt to diminsh it, because they are basically not satisfied with themselves either.

I am pretty sure that no one here means any harm, that there is no personal vendeta. Or is there? Are we a fucking happy go lucky flower children type of community, or are we just as gossipy hair pulling cunts as the rest of the ugly bitches out there?

I know which I want to be.

Women of the blogosphere, why the fuck do we do this to one another? Do you think these conflicts could be averted if we're more honest about what we feel/think, or if we're totally P.C.? Moreover, once the conflict starts, are you more for hiding the feelings under the rug or do you think it's better to bring the issues to light? I for one am not afraid to stand up for what I believe in, but I will also be the first one to apologize and admit to being wrong. So I dare you, I dare all of you to be fucking honest - say what's on your mind, who hurt you and why, and then work it out with them, for fuck's sake, instead of continuing to make it awkward and unpleasant for those who are watching - or worse yet, making them take sides.

See what a little honesty can achieve? It can make you realize things about yourselves. You gotta know the problem first to be able to find the solution.

source

Guys and Dolls

2010-02-18T12:28:00.002+01:00

I finally made up my mind. Last week, I decided to get Edward and Bella Twilight dolls. Yaaaay!

Since I don't have a credit card, because I'm too scared to get one, I had to use my mom's. First, she insisted I tell her what I need it for. Since she's been bugging me for a while now about the amount of time I spend online (I live in a different city than my parents, so when I go visit them, I spend majority of time on blogs and forums, LoL), I decided to tell her what I do. So I told her about the blogs, and why they appeal to me. I said that conversations about mundane shit bore the hell out of me, so I resort to going online where I have interesting, mind stimulating debates. She not only believed me, but I think she actually understood. So when I told her I'm gonna use her credit card to buy the Twilight dolls, she just said okay.

Me: "Okay? You're not gonna tell me that I'm insane to be buying dolls at this age?"

Mom: "They must be some pretty looking dolls."

Wow. My mom surprised the shit out of me with her reaction. She's usually so predictable that it's, you got it - boring! But she was so cool, I even told her how I won the TwiBite contest, and she was all proud and shit.

Since Amazon doesn't deliver to Serbia (we're a really fucked up country, I tell ya), I had asked Stan from Twi-Sted Edbrella if I can have them delivered to her, and if she would then mail them to me. Of course she said yes. And today, she informed the dolls have arrived. Sweet Mary mother of God, I cannot wait for them to enter my apartment. Should I pull out the red carpet and confetti?

Which brings me to my next point, I haven't actually told MM that I ordered the dolls. I told him I'd decided to get them. And then he reacted the way I thought my mom would.

MM: "You're fucking insane. Don't you know how childish it is to buy dolls at your age? Tell me, why you want to get them?"

Me: "Because one day, when and if all this is over, I want to be able to take out all my Twilight memorabilia and reminiscent."

MM - shaking his head - "Well, you really shouldn't waste money on Bella. I know you're only getting her because you know I would rip Edward's head off otherwise."

Me - thinking - This man knows me too well, or I know him, or... whatever.

Then I proceeded to tell him about Stan and how she keeps FSJ in her closet, hidden from Mr. Stan.

MM: "Well, you should've done the same - never have told me, and kept Edward in the closet."

I'm not sure whether he was serious or joking, but I really don't get where his insecurities come from. It's not like I'm ever going to run away with Rob. It's not like I don't show MM everyday how much I love him and need him, and it's not like he doesn't know this.
And I really do love Twilight. I honest to God wanted to get Bella because it's such a beautiful doll, and looking at her and Edward together elicits some wonderful, warm emotion in me.

This post didn't have many photos, which is why I give you the latest Details outtake, which came in via ROBsessed.

P.S. I have made a theme for my cell with these photos. I think I can officially call myself a perv.

The video of the most erotic photo shoot ever

2010-02-15T11:46:00.000+01:00

Just in case some of you didn't see this video consisting of photos from that brilliant Details photo shoot.

source: Details Magazine

Rob hates vaginas???

2010-02-13T16:10:00.008+01:00

Okay, so, again, Lisa @ 17Forever had a to die for post yesterday. It led me over to ROBsessed where I saw scanned images of the new Details magazine. I almost went blind reading the article, not because of the pussy-wetting photos, but because the letters are painfully small. I was determined to go through it, though, even if at times I found it a tad bit boring.

I hate articles like that - and I've read quite a few of them in Elle magazine too. I hate the fact that the person writing it is not a journalist - who doesn't ask questions, but lets the "interviewee" be in charge. Sure we get to learn about what food and drink Rob orders, and that he has typical thoughts troubling his 23 year old artistic/philosophical mind, but most of the quotes are completely out of contest, and are more confusing than they are revealing.

The quote that got the most attention, eeks, and gasps, and what-the-fucks, was the one referring to the photo shoot that accompanied the article:

"I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vagina. But I can't say I had no idea because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours. But I wasn't exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover."

A few photos from the shoot, scanned by Bean, taken from ROBsessed

How about you tell them: "Ladies, please make sure you are properly wet when I come into the room"?

How about: "Girl, you have one fine looking piece of ass"?

How about: "Can I please have your phone number so that once we're done here we can get together and continue where we left off"?

You could've told them anything, Rob, anything but confessing that you hate and are allergic to vaginas.

I reread that quote like a gazillion times, trying to make sense of it, especially after reading later in the article, that the best day of Rob's life was when a female elephant took him in her mouth, held him upside down and with her trunk searched his pockets for mints.

.
.
.

Okay, I'm starting to think our Precious is full of it - that he deliberately says things that are going to cause a riot among his fans. Either that, or he is completely asexual creature or afraid of women. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt because he is very, very young. But guys his age should be walking around with a permanent hard on, not be afraid of some pussy.

What do you ho's think? Can you shed some new light onto the crap that came out of his fuckhawt mouth? I'm gonna go bang my head against the wall in an attempt to destroy that part of my brain which houses the memory of this particular quote.

Okay, I surrender - Rob seduced me

2010-02-12T12:12:00.003+01:00

I feel insatiable need to curse the most foulest curses in the universe. And, why? Because I've seen the photos Lisa @ 17Forever posted on her blog. Yes, the ones from Bel Ami.

I can say with certainty that this is the moment in which my new obsession has been cemented. Shit! Up until now, I couldn't really imagine Rob or Twilight one without the other, but not any more. After seeing these stills I can say that Rob has severed all ties with Twilight, moving to a new space in my brain and in my heart- one dedicated entirely to him, where I can do to him whatever I please, and vice versa.

Like I said on Lisa's blog, I have never ever craved a celebrity so much. Ever! It's like, fuck, these photos bring some very nostalgic, primordial feeling to the surface. Their true meaning is fleeting, which is probably the reason why I can't stop staring at them. I know you've already seen them, but I think they deserve a permanent placement on my blog. Beauty just got a new definition (and I'm not talking about the horse, who is breathtaking in his own right, too).

Why do I feel like I'm looking at a God in these images?

Oh, can you imagine if they made FS Bel Ami? On second thought, perhaps it's better they don't, because I have no idea how I would justify to MM having a cardboard cutout of another guy, even if I did keep him locked up like Stan does with FSJ.

Awesomest day - update on operation KLone

2010-02-11T12:18:00.002+01:00

Yesterday was the best day in a long, long while. First, I won the TwiBite youtube contest.

Thank you so much everyone who voted for my video. You have no idea how good it felt to see my name up there.

Mrs.P. wired me the money through Western Union, and while I was standing at the bank, saying her name out loud, I felt wonderful and sad at the same time. Even though this money was the most tangible proof of our friendship, it also highlighted just how far apart we are.

Global village. I'll let Mrs.P. have the upper hand. We could crush the world if we wanted to.

But as soon as I exited the bank, I started feeling giddy and ecstatic. Like I was saying to Mrs.P. this is the first time I won money for art, and for something I love doing. I'm gonna have to scout the internet for more contests like this one.

So, that was my morning.

Later, I read a bit of smut, fixed my computer at work, watched the new epi of Lost, finally had make up sex with MM, and then went to the Lost forum. Chad (aka Pung) was online too, so we started chatting. And that's when I almost crapped and pissed my pants, both at the same time. I gaped at the screen like a moron, all wide eyed and on the verge of hysterical laughter, unable to compose myself. I became so fucking ecstatic I thought for sure this high was gonna result in a sleepless night. It didn't. Instead, I slept soundly, and like a baby, with no recollection of my dreams.

Start reading from the bottom comment made by Pung and then work your way up.

What can I say? I am still in shock, feeling completely in awe, unable to grasp everything that has happened! I keep thinking about how I just randomly decided to join the forum last year, how I started "hanging out" with Pung, how I unexpectedly fell in love with Twilight, came out of the closet, only to find myself a 100 bucks richer and impatiently awaiting Kellan's personal autograph in the mail. Holy crap, I think I'm going to have an orgasm just by thinking about this. This will be my new good thought - one that I would resort to every time I feel grumpy or in a bad mood - Kellan fucking Lutz knows about me! Gah! THUD!

Only later, while I was already laying in bed, did I realize that I forgot to ask Pung whether Richard has told Kellan ALL about me (ie. that I'd hump Dick for a peek at him, LoL).

So, any ideas how I could say thank you to Richard for all his trouble? I know how I would like to thank Kellan, but I kinda think that's not an option. And leave Pung to me, I will come up with something special for him.

A New Twist to Fanfic

2010-02-02T14:07:00.000+01:00

You all know Honolulu Girl from TrueBloodTwilight is an extremely talented girl, who makes beautiful videos. Check out her blog if you don't believe me.

What I've discovered recently is that she's an incredible writer, too. About a week ago, I started reading her fan fic, titled Cinderella, A Tale of Lust.

I admit, I was a bit skeptical when I read the title, thinking - what could this girl possible do to such a well known story that would make me want to read it? But I decided to give it a try, nevertheless. After first paragraph, I was intrigued. After first chapter - I was hooked.

I haven't read that many fics, but I read enough to be able to give recommendations. Besides, you know I have good taste, or you wouldn't be here. Right?

Yes, Honolulu Girl, I definitely want to know the secret ingredient to your naughty imagination.

Honolulu girl's writing style is breathtakingly rich and poetic, and it's just as beautiful and romantic as the story itself. She adds a new perspective to the characters by merging Twilight and Cinderella, while giving an extra twist to The Cullens. What makes this story so captivating is that it's an erotic fairy tale with just the right mix of sensuality and BDSM to make you sweat, pant and beg for more. The story's pace is just right - neither too fast, nor too slow. HG has uploaded six chapters so far, and I urge you to go read them. If you're anything like me, you won't be able to pull away, and you'll end up bullying your friends into reading the story, too.

Oh, and, I keep forgetting to welcome and thank all my new followers. Please, don't be shy, and join in the comments.

Little (L)Ashes - potential spoilers ahead

2010-01-29T14:34:00.006+01:00

Thanks to Mama Cougar's post, I was reminded to download and watch Little Ashes. MM and I both settled comfortably on the couch. Cue Precious entering the screen.

MM - horrified- "Him?"
JT: "I told you he played in it."
MM: "I thought you said Robert Downey Jr."
JT - thinking - What?
MM - "I'm getting pretty fucking tired of this guy. Everywhere I look it's him, him, him! It's like he's fucking stalking me!"

Sorry, dude, what can I say. If you can't beat them, join them?

Why Krusty you ask? IDK, maybe cause that's the only shrugging pic I liked.

General impression from a film critic's POV (don't worry, even though this is my branch, I will keep the analysis short and painless):
The movie started really well. It was fun and witty, and a tad bit melancholy, but bordering on dull. I've throughly enjoyed the first half, and then, suddenly the film became boring. It is such a shame, because it had tons of potential. Aside from horrible acting, especially by the guy who plays Lorca and who is supposed to carry the film, "the problem is that both Philippa Goslett's script and Paul Morrison's direction lack the stylistic craziness - the sense of real, lunatic danger - a project like this desperately needs. It hurts the mind to imagine what a director like Pedro Almodovar or the young John Waters could have done with this material".*

*the quote is taken from Boston Globe.

The Precious:
So cute, even though he's nowhere near as panty wetting as he is now. The acting was bad, except for parts when he portrayed Dali's eccentric and crazy behaviour. These scenes he did really well. I was surprised, however, to see him use that same constipated face he so frequently retorted to in Twilight. I am now really looking forward to Remember Me, to see if his skills have improved.

I've really enjoyed both these parts.

Interesting tidbits:
There were moments when I was really reminded of the Twilight saga - the angst of young forbidden love, carefree strolls through nature, the swimming in moonlight. For a brief moment I wondered whether every movie with Rob will end up reminding me of the books?

At one point, during the movie, I started wondering whether we would ever be able to see Rob completely naked. Then I realized I've never wanted to take a peek at an actor's junk so baaaad, and the thought that I might never would made me really sad.

Dali and Lorca:
I knew the film was about Dali, but didn't realize it was about his relationship with Lorca, who's one of my favourite poets, btw. I didn't know of this alleged affair, even though I'm a huge fan of both. Immediately after the film ended, I flipped open Dali's biography that sits on my bookshelf. It says that Dali always vehemently denied any sexual relationship between himself and Federico. I then turned to internet, and I couldn't find anywhere a confirmation on the statement at the end of the film. While I applaud any attempt to step out of the norm, and am very supportive of gay/lesbian community, I felt bitterly disappointed by Little Ashes. The movie's visual aesthetics were too realistic/conventional for a piece entirely based on speculation. It bothered me to no end that they tried to present these events as a factual thing, while also suggesting that the main reason for Lorca's execution was his homosexuality. Sadly, in my eyes, the movie reeks of propaganda.

Dali & Lorca

I want to end this post on a lighter note though. After spending some time talking to MM about my current behaviour (ie. the amount of time I spend by the computer), he surprised me by saying he's very proud of me. He wants me to read/write both blogs and fan fiction, because he sees that this makes me happy. We may be spending less time together than before, he added, but the quality of that time has increased infinitely. So ok, maybe he still needs to learn how to live with certain aspects of my twiholicism, but he's definitely for keeps.

My favourite Dali painting - Woman at the Window

I was thrilled to see this window makes its appearance in the film

May the best ho win - here's what I'd do with the money

2010-01-28T13:26:00.006+01:00

It's in my nature to get all hyped up over things - like that time when I was 14, when we were moving to Canada. I imagined myself sitting in the back of the cab, riding from the airport through downtown Toronto, thinking how everywhere I'd see shining lights, movie stars, people singing and waving back at me. I still can't decide whether I was a dreamer, or just an imbecile.

So it's no wonder that once I finished editing and uploading that video* for Mrs. P's youtube challenge, I started thinking what if I won; what would I do with the money? Sure, I could put it in a fund, or buy a clothing article, or a perfume, or a ticket to someplace nice in Europe, or I could be really selfless and donate the cash to Haiti. But none of these thoughts occurred to me before the decision to purchase a minniE was fucking cemented in my brain.

How long will I have to wait for you to pick me up, you bitch?
Do you know how suffocating it is to be in this box?

Sorry people of Haiti. I'm really not a horrible person, my addiction made me this way.

The choking hazard warning on the box never sounded so imminent and ominous. Would my husband (MM -from this point onward) strangle me to death if I brought a minniE home? Just last night, I was setting the alarm on my cell, when MM started whining about the fact that I have Robward theme on my phone. I tried to reassure him that I'm in love with Twilight, not Rob, but he still protested. He was like:

MM: "What if a guy who reminds of you him came along?"
Me - thinking: Fat fucking chance. There's only one Precious. And, when'd you become so insecure?
Me - saying: "But there already is a guy who reminds me of him."
MM - "Who?"
Me - pointing a finger at MM.
MM - "That's a good answer."
No shit.

Anyway, going back to the issue of me spending the-not-yet-earned-money. I totally would feel guilt free acquiring minniE with this dough. It would be my money. Mine alone. And, I would've earned it for the sweat and long hours I put into making the vid. And hopefully MM would see it that way. Emphasis on the hopefully.

Oh, minniE, the things we could do together!

The next thing I'd blow this hard earned cash on would be Twilight: The Graphic Novel, Volume 1

I want this. BAAAAD!

You can read all about it on Stephenie Meyer's site. A Korean illustrator was hired to do the job. Stephenie was heavily involved in the process, gaving input into every panel. Here's what she had to say (taken directly from her website):

"I've enjoyed working on this new interpretation of Twilight. Young has done an incredible job transforming the words that I have written into beautiful images. The characters and settings are very close to what I was imagining while writing the series."

The novel comes out in March, but can be pre-ordered now.

So, these purchases would roughly cost me somewhere between $25-35, depending on the shipping charges. Since I'm a sucker for bags - can't ever seem to get enough of them - I'd definitely invest in a bag or two. I'm having a difficult time settling on one, so I won't post the image, cause possibilities are just too many.

Of course, a TwiBite piece would be a must, but I don't know if CafePress ships to Europe. I'd have to decide between these two.

Now, even though New Moon is already available for pre-order, I wouldn't purchase it now because we use the PAL system, not NTSC here.

So, you see, Mrs. P. your money would be well spent. No, I'm not trying to pressure you, not at all, ;D

Seriously though, with the deadline approaching, I would like to nod at my competition. May the best ho win.

P.S. I hope I don't get fucking disqualified for this post.

* the video is currently located in the upper right corner, on top of the blog's sidebar

But I want him

2010-01-26T10:40:00.004+01:00

Okay, you know how yesterday I said that I actually don't fantasize about Rob in a sexual way? Well, that's true. But the intensity with which I crave to be his best girl buddy is so agonizingly painful. I want him to spill his darkest secrets to me. I want him to confide in me, ask for advice. I want him to run to me when his heart is broken, so that we can trash talk his ex, eat ice cream and suck on red wine. I want us to have sleepovers, pillow fights and go book shopping together. Gah, I think I need a moment to compose myself while the cruel reality sinks in.

Rob: The sweetest girl buddy in all of the fucking world. And she's MINE.

For the record - the boring truth

2010-01-25T10:20:00.002+01:00

After yesterday's post, I feel like Lisa @ 17 Forever scalded me. While her point that the hatred's gotta stop is valid, I feel my post was misinterpreted. I DON'T hate Kristen Stewart. I just feel very passionate about her hair. Yes, she's still a teenager, and we need to cut her some slack, but like I said, I really hate seeing her make the same bad choices me when I was her age.

After New Moon, a vast majority of the fandom focused on how many times Stew blinked, if she twitched and stuttered less or more than in Twilight, and I respectfully disagreed with all of those comments. Maybe I didn't voice my opinion as much (my blog was dormant), but I disagreed. I thought she did an awesome job, carrying the entire film on her shoulders, just like she did in Twilight. Her neurotic behaviour only made Bella more believable for me - except the screaming; the screaming I didn't like, at first. Then, I grew to love that too, understanding why she sounded like a pig being slaughtered.

Soooo... I feel really bad that suddenly I was given a slap on the wrist for commenting on what bothers me both about Rob and Kristen. I've given them both nothing but love all these months. For the record, just because I dislike certain things, doesn't mean I hate either of them separately or together. And, for the record, I don't actually really want to push KStew in thorny bushes and hump Rob. Yes, Rob is definitely cute and sexy, but in reality I don't fantasize about him at all.

Maybe I'm really upset, maybe I just have pms. You decide.

I'm going to end this post with photos of beautiful Kristen, and then maybe you'll understand why I can't wait for her to grow out of this awkward and unappealing phase.

Express yourself - but will you regret it?

2010-01-24T14:15:00.001+01:00

Many of you have done it, but this is my first time publicly scrutinizing Kristen Stewart. I thought she was awfully cute and sweet in Twilight, but then I go and find out that that's not what she really looks like. It is this photo that finally made me write an entry about her style.

Taken from here

I know it's been commented on before - Kristen's hair - but I've never given my two cents. And, I say, what the fuck is she thinking? First of all, that colour just doesn't suit her. Her skin is too pale and her eyes are too bright for her to be sporting black hair. This combo might work on someone like, I can't believe I'm saying this, Megan Fox - but you gotta know how to wear it.

And, then, there's that awful do. I admit, I too have suffered from horrible hair cuts, but then, I didn't have hundreds of thousands of dollars, in which case I would've sought out the best hair dresser money could buy. Kristen's hair looks like she fell victim to some inexperienced hands, like, oh, I don't know, Rob's? They're definitely the type that would cut each other's hair. I know this thought makes some people (Mrs.P.) shudder. While I too put my faith in my husband's hands long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, these days I have a strict "don't you fucking come near my hair with those scissors" policy.

True, many celebrities, including Madonna, have suffered from horrible hair choices, and I'm sure KStew will look back on these pics one day, regretting the fact that she didn't own a mirror.

Now, Dakota, on the other hand... just look at that girl. She's only 15, soon to be 16, yet she knows that you can both express your individuality and be beautiful at the same time. Style wise, she doesn't differ that much from Stew, in her ripped jeans, Doc Martin's, and David Bowie shirt. But, you know where I'm going with this - it is this photo that makes it the most obvious that crucial part of anyone's physique is the hair. It took me ages to realize this for myself, I just hope Stew comes to her senses too, because, frankly, she's a gorgeous looking girl gone ugly. Now, with that being said, I've suddenly come to realize that I identify too well with the Kristen. I feel bad for her in a motherly kind of way, and wish that she didn't make the same mistakes I did, when it comes to expressing yourself through your clothes and hair.

Domination 101 or I YEEEARN to be Bella

2010-01-23T02:40:00.005+01:00

Holy fuck!

You know, never, while I was reading Twilight did I wish I was Bella. Not once. Why? Because I have that perfect, wonderful, dreamy, all consuming love right here at home.

But, something interesting happened to me today, and suddenly, I CRAAAAAAAVE to be Bella. I have no interest in being Stephenie Meyer's whiny tool Bella, I want to be this Bella: the one who gets taken to unprecedented sexual highs courtesy of domination. Yes, I'm talking about the not so sweet, not so innocent little protagonist of Master of the Universe.

Judging by the number of reviews this fic has, there's a fair amount of women out there who, like me, want to be dominated. But, I don't want to debate on the issue of why the fuck does submission makes me us feel the most feminine, I just want to share with you my current state of horniness.

First fan fic I read was The Office. It increased my heart rate, made my throat dry, my panties wet, and my husband thoroughly satisfied. Wow, I thought. I've never been so much turned on by porn before, not even when I was a young teen reading Sydney Sheldon.

Then I started reading CW&IA. This one made me start shedding layers of clothing and fanning myself, when the outside temperature was -20 degrees Celsius. Way to lower our gas bill. It also made me ponder ways in which I could persuade hubtard to put a cock ring. Hey, a girl can dream. In any case, the side effects of me eating up this story left hubtard pleasantly surprised (with statements that I could go anywhere I please with the women of fandom).

And, then, finally today, I started MotU, and found myself almost having a fucking orgasm by just reading. I'm already contemplating whether or not to wake up that Edward Cullen in my dear, unsuspecting spouse, or if this beast is better left alone? In the meantime, I will let you know whether the not so lucky hubtard survives the aftermath of this fic.

THEREFORE, I PRACTICALLY KNOW ROBERT PATTINSON

2010-01-13T17:24:00.004+01:00

This "six degrees of separation" is a really interesting concept. Basically, someone came up with the idea everyone on Earth is at most six people (steps) away from any other person on the planet. I never really tested this theory, because, really, there is no way to do that, unless of course, by some freak coincidence you learn that degrees that separate you from the Precious are insanely low. Which is exactly what happened to me, as my Twi ho's are more than aware, because they helped plot the outrageous plan that came to be known as "Operation KLone".

Anyhoo, this freak story went something like this:

Ever since I came out of the Twi-closet, all my ramblings have been littered with Twilight related shit, which is how everyone came to be aware that I'm insane Twobsessed. So, naturally, even my fellow losties over at my other home (aka forum dedicated to the TV show LOST) got sick of seeing me go on about the stuff that they lovingly referred to as bullshit. That is, until my bestest buddy Chad, with whom I share ass grabs every Wednesday, whispered a little something in my ear after I posted a pic of Kellan in the "Who's hot" thread.
Sadly, I didn't think to save the actual PM (Private Message) he sent to me, but I'm going to paraphrase. Basically, he said that his best friend, and the best man from his wedding, is KLutz's personal assistant, and not only that, but they're roommates too.
If ever I was close to fainting, it was when I read that.
I was so ecstatic that I almost peed my pants. I felt like I had won the fucking Lottery.

Naturally, I immediately run over and share this info with ho's over at Edbrella (this was during the time that my blog was dormant). Immediately we start scheming, and someone, I think it was Mary, suggested that we ask Dick (aka KLutz's assistant, aka Richard) to snatch Kellan's pubic hair so that later we could clone him. Not only was this very fucking clever, but it was really modest too. I mean, what's a little hair? KLutz sure as hell ain't gonna miss it now, is he?

Anyhoo, while it is entertaining to think about it, the possibilities of what one could do with a KLone fail in comparison to the fact that there are FOUR degrees of separation between Robert Pattinson and myself. And, I'm not talking about acquaintance here, it is really closely knit relationships that link us (well okay, I don't know how close exactly are Rob and KLutz, but that's beside the point).I won't lie, I fainted when I realized that. Okay, you caught me, I'm lying, but still, all my senses numbed at the realization which is pretty much equivalent to loosing consciousness.

So there you have it. It goes like this>

JELENA

KNOWS

CHAD (and his baby girl who I will use as proof that Chad knows Dick)

KNOWS

DICK (well, hello, you ain't too bad either Dickie boy, don't you agree ho's?)

KNOWS

v proof of the link between the two is here*

KELLAN

KNOWS (well, duh)

ROB

Now, if only I could figure out a way to take full advantage of this fortunate situation.

As an added bonus I give you proof that I indeed know Chad (although we've never met person y'all must agree that these internet friendships can be just as close-knit as physical ones). This is my Lost family, and Chad and I are the ones doing some form of Spanish dance in the background on the right.

I'll finish off this post with a quote from Chad's latest PM to me.
"I told Dick he has a twi-ho (am I saying that right?) half way around the world that would shag him for a shot at Kellan and he was very smitten about it."

*check out the video titled Kellan and Kola, when Dick walked Kellan's dog on the Bonnie Hunt show. Granted we don't really get to see a lot of Dick, but I'm going to trust Chad, because there's no way in hell my buddy would make this up.